


Call me

by maximumeffort



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Bittersweet, Blow Jobs, Cooking Lessons, Deadpool Thought Boxes, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I made plot, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Gore, Phone Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall, What Have I Done, but angsty, inappropriate use of donuts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-05-26 03:17:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6221440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maximumeffort/pseuds/maximumeffort
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They talk, they joke, they have accidental phone sexes AND I decided to continue this, yay me! So once again I don't know what will happen. No killing of the characters this time I PROMISE!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Smoooth operator

**Author's Note:**

> Just had this pop into my mind. I think I could probably even continue this, don't know if I should.. should I? Maybe make them meet in person or something?  
> Kudos and comments always appreciated  
> Edit: Continuing this crapfest <3

Peters phone was ringing, an unknown number on the display. It was his superhero phone, so whoever it was, it was probably an emergency so he answered without giving it a second thought.

"Hello?"

"Hi who is this?" A deep male voice on the other end questioned.

"Dude, you called me, who are you?" Peter answered, the guy probably got a wrong number, so he should have just told him that and break up, but he didn't, not actually knowing why.

"Oh, sorry, I have a missed call on my other phone, but my battery died so I dialed it on this one. Must have gotten  a digit wrong." The voice on the other side chuckled. It was a very pleasant voice.

"Huh, don't worry, happens to all of us. So ummm..." Peter said rubbing the back of his neck and smiling.

"So, whatya doin'?" The voice asked.

"Oh! Umm.. Nothing, just came from work, gonna make myself dinner." Peter responded honestly, surprised at the continuation of the conversation.

"Long day huh?" The voice asked, and Peter found himself nodding.

"Mmhm, don't get me started..." He said, wondering why he was talking to a complete stranger, it felt kinda nice. Ever since MJ left, and Gwen died, he only ever talked to aunt May and that was only twice a week. He did work with the Avengers now, but he wasn't exactly buddies with any of them.

"Yeah, had a pretty rough week myself, good thing it's Friday huh?" the voice continued "So what's a cookin good lookin?" the voice said, and Peter could hear a smile in it. He huffed a laugh.

"Not much, spaghetti and whatever weird sauce I can muster up from what leftovers I have. I actually don't even know what I'm gonna make, probly gonna end up barely edible."

"Oh! Maybe I can help! What do you have in your fridge?" The voice asked.

Peter felt a bit self-conscious, it was nearly the end of the month, and his fridge was half empty. But hey, this was a complete stranger, he will probably never hear from him again, so what the heck. "What are you, a chef?"

"Oh, I'm THE chef! Now spill!" The voice said smugly.

Peter opened his fridge, the sight before him was pathetic "Okay, now don't mock my lack of groceries..." he hesitated

"What? Why would I mock you. I had times when all I had in my fridge was a beer and a two year old pack of fast food BBQ sauce, I think I may still have it in my fridge, it probably has its own eco system by now!" The voice laughed.

Peter chuckled too, this guy was fun "Ok, I have a half of baked chicken breast, some cheese, one tomato, some sour cream, one garlic, half o dozen of mushrooms, two eggs oh and  chocolate milk!"

The guy on the other side laughed, and Peter felt offended "Hey! You said you wouldn't laugh!"

"Oh my god! I'm sorry! I'm not laughing to the contents of your fridge! Well I am, but not in the way you... Is just... Chocolate milk, what are you five?" The guy was still chuckling, and Peter was smiling too.

"No! It's just... Milk is healthy and I like the taste, now you gonna help or what?"

"Nah! I'm gonna help baby boy, don't get mad." The voice said.

"Baby boy? The f man?" Peter asked

"Oh the name stays. You sound young, and your selection of beverage says it too. Now for the super cool leftover spaghetti recipe I promised you..."

The guy had him dice the chicken and reheat it on a little oil. Then he was instructed to add chopped up garlic, mushrooms, and sour cream, season, and add some grated cheese in the end, just before turning the stove off. Then he had him cook the spaghetti, and even told him how to make chocolate pudding with the chocolate milk, two egg yolks, sugar and a bit of flour, and in no time Peter had a full meal in front of himself.

"Oh my god! This tastes like heaven! I've never cooked something so tasty in my life!" Peter exclaimed while eating his dinner.

The guy laughed "So, not much of a cook huh? Bet you're a scrawny little thing are you?"

"I'm not little!" Peter exclaimed, half offended

"So, scrawny and not a cook." The guy concluded. Peter couldn't argue him on that, so he tried to change the subject, why was he still talking to this guy anyway?

"Um, so, thanks for telling me how to make this I'm gonna go now..."

"Aww c'mon man, don't go now, I'm bored to death, talk to me some more... What's your job?" The guy whined.

Peter rolled his eyes, but still he turned on his speaker phone and started talking about his job at the Bugle, not actually saying it was in the Bugle, while he ate his dinner.

He finished his dinner, and washed his dishes, all the while talking to the guy, and it was almost three hours, one heated discussion about him not liking Star wars, a bunch of bad jokes, a discussion on the issue of Pokemon, and talking about their taste in music later that Peter exclaimed he had to go and take a shower.

"Aww don't leave me hanging now dude, it just got interesting!" The guy whined again and Peter rolled his eyes

"Ok, I'm gonna put on some music and go shower. Just, I don't know listen to I until I get back." Peter said.

"Oh! Cool! Play me that band you were talking about, um the middle aged queens?" The guy exclaimed.

Peter laughed at that so hard he almost dropped his phone "Dude! Queens of stone age!" He couldn't stop laughing, this guy was killing him.

"Oh!" The guy sounded a little disappointed  "That doesn't sound as fun as the middle aged queens, I thought it was a band of, like forty something drag queens!"

"Yeah, no, sorry." Peter said, still chuckling.

"That would be great fap folder material!" The guy continued not even missing a beat.

Peter snorted and almost choked from laughter  " Woah, dude, TMI!"

"Tacos Masturbation Inclined? Well I don't masturbate with tacos, but I am inclined to both." The guy deadpanned.

Peters eyes were in tears now and his stomach was hurting from laughing so much  "No dude! Too Much Information!"

"What? But you asked!"

Peter was going to die from laughter  "Dude, you're killing me, just listen to the music until I get back. I swear if I keep laughing I'm gonna pee myself."

"No pissing in the shower!" The dude said, and Peter snorted and put the music on, heading to the bathroom.

When he got out, he could hear the guy humming along with the song.

"Hey, I'm back!" Peter said, picking the phone back up and sitting down on his couch.

"Not bad music kid. So what are you wearing?" The guy asked nonchalantly.

Peter blushed and looked down at himself "Umm.. My boxer shorts and bathrobe..." He answered before he could stop himself.

"Oooh, nice, what color?" The guy continued

"The robe?" Peter asked, his voice a pitch higher than he would like to admit to himself.

"The shorts." Came the husky answer. Did his voice get lower?

"Red... Why am I even telling you this?"

"Cause I asked." The guy simply said, that voice getting even deeper  "Nice choice of color, my favorite. So... Wanna play?"

"Woah, umm, I should really hang up now..." Peter said hesitation evident in his voice, and the guy picked up on it.

"But you don't want to, do you? C'mon baby boy you know you want it. I'm betting you're already sporting a chubby." There was that low husky voice again.

"No I'm not!" Peter said, but he was starting to feel that familiar stir just below his belly.

The man on the other side of the line breathed in harder and almost whispered  "Oooh, but you are... I can hear it in your voice, you want to play sooo bad."

The guy sounded like hotline, and if he wasn't working in one it was a damn waste "O.. Ok, umm, ok, I am a little aroused..." Peter was feeling so stupid right now. He was about to... And with some completely random guy...

"Good, let's make that into a lot aroused then. See now, baby boy, right now I'm lying on my bed, wearing absolutely nothing, already half hard thinking about doing this, about hearing that sweet voice moan and gasp as you get yourself off to my talking."

Peters breath hitched in his throat, ok, now he was fully hard and totally into this "Oooh, that's... That sounds nice." He said feeling like a complete idiot, a horny, lonely, sexually depraved idiot.

"Nice?" The guy chuckled  "Oooh I ain't about playing nice baby boy. Now are you touching yourself?"

Was he supposed to? "Umm.. No?"

"Put your index and middle finger in your mouth and get em wet..." The guy instructed, and Peter obliged  "Now, run em down your chest and circle your nipple." He was rewarded with a gasp. "That's so hot baby boy." He grunted out, his breath a bit labored " Now run em down your belly and into those boxers."

 Peter inhaled sharply as he closed his hand around the base of his cock.

"Mmmn good, tell me, tell me does it feel good?" The voice purred into his ear, and Peter trusted his hips up unwillingly.

"Oh god yes." Peter whispered to the phone, and the man on the other side moaned low, Peter was slowly pumping his cock now, already feeling breathless "Are... Umm, are you...?"

He could hear another moan from the guy, it sounded so hot "Oh yeah baby boy, I'm so hard right now, I feel like I'm gonna go off any minute now thinking about you doing it. Tell me, talk to me."

"I.. I'm jackin myself off, slow, I.. Your voice is so..." Peter tried

"Right back at you, I wish I was there, whish I could get between those legs and suck on that cock.. I bet it would feel so good, letting you fuck my mouth while I spread you open with my fingers so you can take me. Fuck, I'd suck you right until you almost came, and then I would bend you over and fuck you hard."

Peter moaned and came all over his hand and stomach, and he heard the guy growl and continue to breathe hard, every now and then he could hear him grunt a breathless  "Fuck!" and then he could only hear his breathing.

"Oh my... That was..." Peter started

"Fuckin hot!" The guy chuckled "Made a mess though..."

Peter smiled  "Yeah.. Me too."

"So.. Umm can I at least get your name? Maybe call you again sometime?" The guy sounded uncharacteristically shy now, and Peter thought maybe he was just a lonely guy like himself happy to have someone to talk to, plus what they just did felt really good, and in his afterglow buzzed mind he couldn't see anything wrong with giving him his name.

"It's Peter."

"Beautiful name, Petey. I'm Wade, Wade Wilson."

Peter facepalmed "Oh my god! Deadpool?!"

"Who is this?!!" He could hear Wade yell before he hung up and turned off his phone in panic.

"Fuck my liiife!"


	2. Call me maybe?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to continue this shitstorm, brace yourselves the... Shitstorm is coming!? :3

{Yellow}

[Whitey]

 

Peter was hyperventilating. He had facepalmed after he turned off his phone, and now he had his own cum smeared all over his face. Of all the people in the world Wade fudgin Wilson.

He ran to the bathroom to wash and cool himself off before he got a panic attack.

"Real smooth Parker, you had accidental phone sex with Wade friggin Wilson, of all the seven billion people in the world it had to be friggin Deadpool! Oh my god I'm gonna kill myself."

The thing is, he knew Deadpool, hell, ever since the guy came to New York he was totally fanboying over him. Following him around like a lost puppy every time he would see him, with his crude humor and his constant flirting. The guy was a menace. And now he Peter Parker, Spiderman, just had accidental phone dinner date and accidental phone sex with him.

Worst thing was, and what Peter was trying so hard not to admit to himself, he loved every minute of it.

"Ok, he doesn't know who I am, I just have to play it cool if I see him, and he'll never know." Peter mumbled to himself while turning his phone back on. He got a notification that he had a couple of missed calls and voicemail, but he ignored it, quickly going to the menu, and blocking Wades number, then he looked through the notifications. Of course it was Wade, he listened to the voicemail and couldn't help but smile.

"Hey I just met you and this is crazy but here's my number so call me maybe." Deadpool sang off key, then after a pause came "Ok, I get it why you freaked out, a lot of people know who I am, and what I do, but I promise I won't hurt you kid. M not even gonna call you anymore, promise, just, hell, if you want, you can call me or whatever. It's not even a problem that you have my number, I got it up on Craigslist, everyone has it, so don't be scared because of that... Okay, thank you for a lovely evening... kay, bye." Peter hated how Wades voice broke off at the end of the message. He groaned and pulled at his hair in frustration. How could Wade be so civil and reasonable, it made him feel bad about himself and his own reaction.

"What the heck! Why me?" Peter whined.

He had no time to wallow in his own misery. It was already past midnight and he had to hit the streets, see if anyone was stirring any trouble.

***

"Friggin Friday night!" Spiderman told to himself, after webbing up his third group of drunk guys who were fighting. Four public fights, two small robberies, one attempted rape and four hours later he was about to call it a night. It was summer and he was sweaty, beaten up, dead tired and generally miserable, and dawn was almost breaking.

He decided to treat himself a chocolate milk on a rooftop with a particularly nice view over the central park and watch the sunrise, before turning in.

So there he was, happily slurping his beverage through a straw, dangling his feet and admiring how the rising sun slowly painted the sleeping city in orange gold, thinking to himself how he doesn't look like a kid sipping on the milk, no way, it was manly as fcuk, when an all too familiar voice interrupted his peace.

"Oh my god! Spidey! You came to visit!"

Peter was so startled by the voice that his drink went down the wrong pipe, and now he was choking.

Deadpool ran to him and started patting his back, and Peter just gave up and waited for the earth to swallow him.

That didn't happen, so when he finally got his breathing to normal, he shook Deadpool off of himself and stood up.

Of course the guy started running his motor mouth the moment he was sure that in fact Spiderman wasn't dying.

"My gosh Spidey fancy meeting you here! How'd you know this is my new place? I haven't even told anyone yet! Best night ever! You know I got myself a new buddy tonight, we had like dinner together and all! Aww don't look at me like that you know you're my number one Spidey! And now you came to visit, you're the best!!! Aww and you got me a house warming gift, a half drunken carton of.. Chocolate milk? Hey... Your name isn't Peter is it Spidey? Because THAT would be one hell of a..."

Peter panicked and shot his web at Deadpools mouth, the man just continued to mumble and gesticulate as if nothing happened. Not even daring to look the man in the eye Peter shot his web and swung away.

"Fuuuuck my liiife!"

Deadpool stood for a moment tearing the web form his mouth.

{What's up with Spidey?}

[Weird kid, I like that.]

"I don't know, but this coincidence has to be properly investigated." Deadpool concluded, pulling his Sherlock Holmes hat and a pipe from one of his pouches and scratching his chin.

"Really writer lady, you're gonna write me with the magic satchel? I call lazy writing!"

Suddenly a wormhole opened and a hand snagged the magic satchel away from Deadpool saying "Zoinks!" Just before disappearing into thin air again.

"Oooh I call bullshit writer lady!"

Deadpool took his mask off, and suddenly he is transformed into the Xmen Origins:Wolverine Deadpool with his mouth glued shut. Deadpool fell to his knees, mumbling to the skies, and suddenly he is once again just regular Deadpool.

"Lesson fuckin learned fuckin bitch." He snarled and fliped off no one in particular, climbing back down to his apartment.

 


	3. I'm not you, you are you, not me!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The talk and a cliffhanger to some sort of plot, hopefully. Bear with me guys!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the all!  
> Next chapter will be fast, just not as fast as these three, because I have to think me some plot.  
> Also, posting this one from the phone (too lazy to get to my computer) so I'll introduce the boxes here:  
> {Yellow}  
> [Whitey]  
> This is also the reason for the crappy formatting, I'll fix it tomorrow I promise :)  
> Edit: fixed :)

"Fuckin bitch! Lazy fuckin writing, first the "accidental" phone call, now the "accidental" rooftop rendezvous and on the roof of my own building! What's next, he comes in through the door and we fuck like crazy, and then he confesses his never dying love for me and we live happily ever after? You know you're writing this thing in past tense, if I try hard enough I could find out what happens in the end! Worst writing I ever saw, he's not in character, hell I'm not even in character! And you dare go around and call yourself a fan!?"

Wade was pacing around his spacey apartment, he just got  rented out, so most of the furniture is still covered with white sheets and it's still clean...ish. He got himself a pretty penny from his last job, so he had decided to take a small vacation in The big apple. Maybe  rub shoulders with the Avengers, fanboy after Spiderman. He deserved it.

Suddenly the door opened, and there was Spidey, he ran towards Wade and embraced him, kissing him hungrily. Wade felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest.

"Oh my gosh Wade I love you so much please marry me I want to be your Spidey wife forever!"

Wade picked the boy up bridal style and walked them both to his king size bed, slowly placing him down and climbing over him stealing a kiss

"Anything for you baby boy!"

"I'm gonna cum!"

"But I ain't even touched you yet... FUCKIN HELL!!! Pool-o-vision?!? For real?!!? Are you $@&%# me? What the @*#%??? Language censorship?!? You're bleeping my bleepin words now? You are actually making me bleepin bleep 'em out?! Oh you're one cruel bleepin bleeper!"  
After having his little fit, Wade sat down and finally agreed to go along with the plot.

  
***

  
Wade came up with a plan, he wouldn't just confront Spidey, claiming that he was the guy he had crazy hot phone sex with, no, that would chase the kid away. He decided he would follow him around until he was sure that he was the guy he had crazy hot phone sex with and THEN confront him about that, in closed quarters, so Spidey wouldn't run away before he got to talk to him.

[Oh yeah stalking, really sane and reasonable.]

His plan failed majestically and on the first night.

  
***

  
"I can see you Deadpool." Spiderman said, tapping his foot on the ground, hands crossed over his chest, annoyance evident in his voice.

"But how?! I was all ninja like!" Wade whined, coming out from behind the elevator house where he was hiding.

"You were humming the Mission impossible theme for the whole fifteen minutes you were following me." Spiderman answered unimpressed.

"Oh, sorry, can we start over? Maybe?" Deadpool asked hopefully.

"No we can't... Ugh! Why are you following me?!" Spiderman was almost caught up in the trap of endless banter with the guy. Now he didn't mind the banter before, not until the phone call.

"I want to ask you to dinner?" Wade questioned, unsure.

"Really?"

"No... Ok, I give up. Don't run away ok? I'm gonna try and do the right thing." Wade said looking at his feet. Spiderman nodded, so he continued.

"Ok, now I may be wrong, and all this is just one big coincidence, and in that case I apologize. So, here goes, I think you're the Peter I had accidental best phone date ever a couple of nights ago!" He rushed the last part out and covered his face as if he was bracing himself for a punch.

When nothing came he continued talking as fast as humanly possible.

"I'm sorry if it makes you feel annoyed or angry, please don't be angry at me Spidey, it's just, it's been so long since I had a nice conversation with someone, and Peter was nice to me, and you are nice to me too, and I know you wouldn't have done it if you knew it was me, if it was you that I talked with that is, and if you want I'll leave you alone. Well not completely, because I'll probably want to hang around that sweet ass sometimes, but you don't have to talk to me or nothing. I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry!"

He was having a fit again and Peter was feeling bad. The guy did nothing wrong, he didn't hurt him, nor did he disrespect him. It was his own darn fault he had caught him with his literal and metaphorical pants down.

"Relax Wade, it's okay." Peter said, and Wade looked up at him.

"I am Peter, we didn't know we were us, or we probably wouldn't have done it. It's all good, just don't tell people who I am."

"Oh I won't! I promise!... What do you mean I wouldn't do it if I knew? You might not do it, but I would! I'm not you, you're you, not me!"

"Okay... But we're good now, that's what I was trying to say." Peter said cautiously.

Wade looked up at him and smiled  "So... How 'bout I buy you a chocolate milk?"

"I hate you Wade." Peter said, smiling.

"You know you mean love baby boy!" Wade cooed.

Peter rolled his eyes  "I'm never gonna hear the end of this will..."

His words were interrupted by a loud explosion, and in a second he was swinging towards the source of the sound.

"Aww! You said you wouldn't run away!" Deadpool whined, and started sprinting after him.

Spidey wasn't mad at him. They were maybe buddies,  and he was gonna help him out because that's what buddies do.

{And have hot crazy phone sex!!!}

[Nope, that's what fuck buddies do]

{Then we'll make him our fuck buddy!}

[Pretty sure the big guy wants him to be our wife...]

"That is a degrading imposition of gender divided roles upon gay couples! But yeah I totally want him to be my Spidey wifey!"

[And there goes our attempt at political correctness.]


	4. Plot bunny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a plot, with bunnies and it thickens...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well F me guys. I never expected such a great response to this! I'm half afraid of continuing this because I don't want to ruin it since you all liked it so much. Thank you all sooo soo much for the all and all, sit back, relax, and hopefully enjoy the ride, because I am a really lousy driver.
> 
> This chapter isn't as funny as those before but I think I know what I'm doing

{Yellow}  
[Whitey]

When they arrived at the site Wade couldn't believe his eyes. There on the ground were hundreds of little white toy bunny rabbits. They would stand still until something touched them, and then they would start moving around and exploded on contact with anything.

Spiderman was trying to pick them up in his webs, but they exploded every time he would pick some up before he could get them to a safe distance.

People were running in panic, and it was a real miracle no one actually got hurt badly yet.

He stood on the roof top for a moment, trying to think of something to do, all the while wondering if the lady pouring milk was going to appear too.

"Spidey! Forget the bunnies, clear these people away!" Deadpool yelled, climbing down the building he was on  "I have a plan!"

"What are you going to do?" Spiderman asked, doubt evident in his voice, but still listened to Deadpool and started webbing people up and away all the while yelling at the rest to run. It was a good thing they were in a smaller street, so the bunnies didn't cover too big of an area, and there were just about a dozen people left to extract.  
"Just... Trust me! And try to get everyone away before I'm done!" Deadpool was serious, Spiderman didn't like Deadpool when he was serious, it usually meant he was focused, and focused Deadpool was killer mode Deadpool, and killer mode Deadpool was dangerous.

From the corner of his eye, Spiderman could see Deadpool running towards a tank near a small building and placing something on it. Then he ran back, avoiding the bunnies and yelling for him to web him up. All the people were evacuated, so Spiderman shot a string and pulled him atop the building he was on.

"Now watch this baby boy!" Deadpool exclaimed while pushing a button on the detonator he pulled out of his pouches.

There was a small explosion, and the wall of the tank now had a decent sized hole in it. A black gooey thick liquid poured out in a slow motion wave, and covered the street and the bunnies in a three feet thick layer of dark sticky goo. The bunnies were stuck, and apparently the contact with the goo wasn't strong enough to make them blow up.

Deadpool wasted no time. As soon as the tank exploded, he was back down, laughing like a maniac and moving the vehicles around to block off the street, before the slow motion wave of black goo reached it. Spiderman watched in awe as the man worked, just to be shaken out of it when he saw Deadpool struggle to turn the last line of cars he had parked to their sides. Spiderman jumped down and started flipping the cars, adding more with ease, when the smell hit him.

"Oh my god Deadpool you didn't..."

And then he started giggling too. It was molasses. They climbed the stacked up cars, and down before them was a lake of sticky blackness. Spiderman couldn't stop laughing, this was the craziest idea ever, and it worked beautifully. The size of the hole Deadpool made was just right to make the outflow of the goo ideal, and even if he didn't extract all the people in time, there was almost no chance of anyone getting hurt, and the damage would be minimal too, because all they have to do is wash it off.

Just to be sure Spiderman made a wall of web just behind the cars they were standing on. They both were still laughing.

"You are pure genius Wade!" Spiderman giggled patting his shoulder. He was dialing someone, telling them where they were, and Wade just looked at him.

{Did Spidey just compliment us?}

[shut up and enjoy it.]

And Deadpool did. He leaned into his touch and just enjoyed himself for a moment.

"Ok, the Avengers are gonna be here soon to figure out how to clean this up. Wanna wait for them, or you can buy me that chocolate milk you promised." Spiderman said.

He could wait and meet Captain America, but he really wanted to go and spend some quality alone time with his Spidey. And he knew that they would probably give him hell for drowning the entire street in molasses, so he opted for that.

To his surprise, Spiderman caught him around his waist and pulled them up and away. Wade laughing and squealing all the way. He was feeling weightless, and so good.  
Soon they were sitting on the roof top of his own building, both sipping on their chocolate milk and enjoying the view.

"Molasses, for real?" Spiderman said, still smiling.

"Yeah, it was great wasn't it? Yesterday I was reading about The Boston molasses disaster, and today I got to reenact it." Deadpool answered.

This was best day ever. He got to save the day and impress Spidey. They sat like that for a while, talking about anything and everything, and Peter found that he really enjoyed the company. It reminded him of THE phone call.

"Wade?"

"Yeah Petey?"

Peter flinched a little a the use of his real name. "About the phone call thing..."

"Oh... I'm sorry baby boy. I told you you can forget that it ever happened." Wade said, looking down and slumping his shoulders.

"No.. no... I just wanted to say that it's not a big deal okay? You don't need to feel bad about it." Peter said, rubbing his neck.

"Oooh! So, wanna do it again?" Wade chirped up, and Peter smiled.

"Don't push it Wilson." He mock threatened.

"Oh Petey that voice, that stern sound of you saying my last name. I'm sooo turned on." Wade fanned himself with his hands, pulling his knees apart and towards his chest in a display of seduction.

Peter felt his cheeks heating up, but he tried to play cool  "You're mental."

"Yeah what else is new?" Wade said looking at him all serious all of the sudden.

Peter felt the switch in his mood, he felt Wades gaze upon himself, and he started to squirm.

"Ok, it was a great team up, 8/10 would do again, but I have to go now." Peter said, getting up. It was getting really late, well early to be exact, and he just wanted to go to bed. "I'm gonna try and figure out what's with the rabbits, I have a feeling it's just the beginning. You can tag along if you want."

Deadpool looked around and pointed to himself  "Me?"

"Sure, you did great today and I will need an extra pair of hands. So as long as you don't kill or maim anybody.." Peter continued.

Wade launched himself at him and pulled him in a hug "Ohmigod! Yes! Yes! Do you hear that world! I'm gonna be Spideys sidekick! I am vengance! I am the night! I am Spideypool!"

Peter wrestled himself out of Wades grip and laughed  "That just sounds wrong. I'll call you tomorrow to tell you when and where we meet." And with that he was gone.

{He saved our phone number!!!}

[Kid must be insane]

"I'm in love!"


	5. I can be your angle or yuor devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The obligatory angsty angst  
> and the obligatory suicide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning suicide  
> So... Good? Bad?

Peter and Wade have spent the whole week trying to figure out who was behind the bunny attack with no luck whatsoever. On the other hand, they did manage to figure out they enjoy each others company a lot. Well, Wade knew that from day one, but to Peter it came as somewhat of a surprise.

  
Peter found himself thinking about Wade more than he was willing to admit. He would catch himself smiling at something Wade had said on their patrol, while sitting in his classes, or chuckling to some crude text the older man would send him while he was at work, and being a little too eager to eat junk food and the obligatory chocolate milk on the roof top of Wades building. What Peter was most reluctant to admit to himself was that almost every night just before he fell asleep his mind would replay that phone call, and he would find himself wondering what would it be like, if Wade would do to him the things he heatedly whispered in his ear that night, he masturbated to the memory more times than he was willing to acknowledge.

  
 It all confused him so much, he never was with a man before, he did find some men attractive, in a "Look at that fine peace of ass" kinda way, but never did he want a man in a way that he wanted Wade, which he totally didn't, mind you. He didn't even find Wade attractive, how could he When the man was constantly covered head to toe in that suit of his. The suit did show off his superb physique, those nice bulky arms, perfect pecks, beautifully toned abs, nice round ass and those big powerful thighs. Peter certainly didn't find Wades strong jaw attractive, and he sure didn't spend every moment when he could catch the man pull up his mask, just staring at those full chapped lips and he most certainly didn't imagine how they would feel against his own, or on some other places.

  
Peter didn't even like Wade. Sure he always made him laugh, and when he would get serious, he could be the most sensitive person in the world, and the way the man would sometimes say his name, his real name, like it was the most precious secret in the world. Wade respected him, he  never asked anything Peter wouldn't want to give, he never endangered his identity or his safety. And he felt secure beside him, like nothing could harm him, and he knew it was stupid to feel the safest beside the man who killed people for money.

  
 And there was that, he was a murderer, and he had no business hanging around with him, the Avengers had also told him so, saying how dangerous and unpredictable Wade was, still letting him decide on his own, as long as Deadpool doesn't fuck up royally, in which case Peter knew they would make the decision for him.

  
Peter was so screwed.

  
On the other hand, Wade did do an excellent job on catching the bank robbers the night before and not killing anybody, and he was trying so hard to do good, so Peter decided that he deserved a treat.

  
Without a second thought Peter put his Spidey suit on, and swung away.

  
***

  
Not much later he was on Wades rooftop. He hadn't texted him because he wanted to make him a mini surprise. Peter started going down the building wall with a bag of Mexican food and a six-pack of beer, trying to find Wades window. He knew the man lived on the twelfth floor, so that wasn't going to be a problem.

  
After looking through the windows on said floor he found that one apartment was empty, so the other had to be Wades place.

  
Slowly he let himself in through the window and checked out his surroundings.

  
 Peter almost gagged to the sight and smell. The living room floor was littered with take-out food boxes. Most of the furniture was covered with sheets, well all of it except for one big leather chair and a TV, and on the wall just behind the leather chair bloomed a big stain of reddish gooey matter on which he could see a thin layer of mold was growing, it was organic, and it made him almost vomit. He wanted to get out, but then he heard a sound from the room to his left, and driven by  morbid curiosity he didn't even know he had he walked towards it. As if possessed, without even thinking about it he silently walked into the poorly lit room and gaped at the sight before him.

  
There was Wade, lying on his king size bed naked as the day he was born. His head was bent back, eyes shot closed and his mouth open, he had one hand on his cock and the other was fondling at his balls. He was writhing, his breath coming out in small grunts. Peter was mesmerized. The mans muscles were taut and shifting, emphasizes by a sheer layer of sweat. And that hand... Peter just stared at that hand, pumping up and down at a punishing pace. The boy bit his lower lip, Wade was beautiful, the scars marring his skin just adding to the raw, powerful beauty he was witnessing.

  
Peter felt a wave of lust wash over him, turning his entire body on fire. He knew he was supposed to go away or make the man aware of his presence, but he was frozen in his place.

  
"Petey..." He heard the man whisper, and he gasped.

  
"What the fuck are you doing here!" Wade yelled trying to cover himself up."Don't fuckin look at me!!!" He was mad, his face was red and spit was flying from his mouth as he screamed.

  
{Oh no! Nonono! Make him look away! Where's our face, we don't have our face on!} Yellow was whining, as Wade searched for his mask in panic. He didn't find the mask but he did find his gun, and before he knew what he was doing, he was pointing it at Spidey.

  
Peter raised his hands up, dropping the food and beer, but he didn't feel his Spidey sense flare.

  
"Oh my god Wade I'm sorry! I shouldn't have!"

  
"Damn right you shouldn't have!" Wade spat at him lowering his head and cradling his gun. "So, enjoyed the horror show?" he asked bitterly "Got your curiosity satisfied?"

  
"What?! No!" Peter answered in panic, not looking away. Wade looked so full of hate and pain right now, and he was to blame. Peter felt like crying and soon he felt the familiar sting in his eyes. The man showed nothing but respect and admiration for him and he had taken it all and threw it in his face.

  
"I'm sorry I'll go." Peter said feeling like a complete asshole "I didn't mean.." He tried.

  
"Save it!" Wade snapped not even looking at him anymore. He got up still naked all perfect and jaded  like a lovechild between an antique statue and a car wreck and went to the living room.

  
"I would advise you to leave now baby boy, no one needs to see this." He whispered brokenly.

  
Peter rushed to the window he came in through, seeing as he passed by that Wade was sitting in the leather chair, gun still in his hand, leaning his head back on the wall, on that stain.

  
Oh no, he can't... "Wade don't do this! It's ok! I promise!" Peter pleaded.

  
"Leave!" Wade growled at him that madness back in his eyes, and then there was something else, something vulnerable and broken "Please Petey, just go away, tomorrow I'll be fine, tomorrow we can forget all about this." his voice was so broken and hurting, and Peter just nodded his head and went out.

  
"I'll call you..."

  
He heard a gunshot not long after he got out, and now he was crying. He rushed home and in his bed not even bothering to take him suit off. He ripped the mask off and just laid there  tears flowing from his eyes. He was in his warm bed, he had people who loved him and cared about him, and Wade, Wade was in that dark empty space, sitting in his chair, cold, dead and alone.


	6. Daddy needs to express some rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool is pissed. Fourth wall is getting it's beating. There is even offending of the reader in this one sry :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if you find this offensive, but it's Deadpool what did you expect?  
> Also, small chapter, loads of rage.

"Oooh fuck can someone please shut down the bells!?"

  
Wade looked around and found that he was sitting in his chair. He remembered shooting himself and realized that the ringing was probably from his brains repairing itself.

  
"The breakup and makeup cliché?!! Really? You're bad, the worst ever. Why did I shoot myself? Spidey caught me masturbating and calling his name and the first thing that comes to my mind is to blow my brains out?! For real? First of all, why the fuck was I butt naked while doing it, and don't tell me it's because it's summertime and it's hot! Who the hell takes off all of his clothes for a quick wank? Fuckin admit it was so you could totally sell this pathetic excuse for a story to all the poor fuckers reading it YEAH I FUCKIN JUST WENT THERE as hot steamy Deadpool porn. Next he catches me doing it, and I'm all like oh my gosh Petey honey look away but I totally want to fuck you but you're too precious for me... too precious for this world so I'm gonna spiral down this path of angst and depression and shoot myself and why the fuck wasn't I even allowed to cum?! Believe me lady when a man is on the verge, the fuckin pope could walk in and he would still spill it before his brain caught up with what was happening. So I kill myself because I'm manly as fuck but so, so jaded, and, you actually used that word! And the line where I'm like an antique statue and a car wreck... are you doing drugs lady? Because if you are I suggest you change your dealer! I'm fuckin angry okay, and I'm gonna get this thing on the track before you can mess it all up!"

  
Wade got up and went to the bathroom to wash the blood and brain matter from himself then he briskly walked back to the center of the room, still but naked and still manly as fuck, and not fuckin jaded or some other pussy ass word like that, and started talking.

  
"The plan is, I'm gonna call Spidey, apologize for what he had witnessed tell him to text me next time before he decides to pop up for a visit, put on some clothes, go back to the bed, masturbate furiously to the sight of him watching me masturbate furiously   sporting a hard on, and then go to sleep and pretend this all never happened, because that's what normal functional men do. Something embarrassing happened, you pretend it never did! You do not analyze it! You do not try and express your feelings! You suck it up, fuckin suppress it  until you convince yourself it never fuckin happened. If everyone did it the world would be a better place, take it from me your fuckin poster boy for mental stability!"

  
Wade dialed Peter,still standing butt naked and manly as fuck in the middle of his living room and waited for him to pick up.

  
{Did you just say Spidey had a hard on back when he was watching us jack off ?}

  
"Oh yeah  I totally said that!"

  
Still no answer from Peter.  
[No way, you're imagining things]  
"No I'm not!"  
[Yes you are!]  
"Hello?" Came a sleepy voice from the phone.  
"You totally got a hard on from watching me jack off!" Wade spilled before slapping his hand over his mouth.  
[Way to follow the plan! Superb execution!]  
"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw." Peter heard Wade say, just before the line broke.


	7. The little black dress a.k.a Eyes are up here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some talk, some silliness, some plot, no pron yet sry :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL FOR READING COMMENTS AND KUDOS!!!  
> We're gonna have us a really silly antagonist soon and some other things, you'll see.  
> Much luv to everyone:)  
> Also thanks to TwistedCupid for helping with the chapter title

{Yellow}

[Whitey]

Peter didn't call back, and Wade didn't call back either.

  
Peter was too fucked up with his guilt trip and the fact that Wade actually saw his boner to dare and try and talk about it.

  
Wade hoped that Peter was too sleepy to remember the phone call, and since the kid didn't call back, he was pretty sure he was right, that, or the kid was pissed off with him.

  
They did what manly men do when facing an emotional drama. They just acted as if it never happened.

  
That actually meant that Wades plan worked... Kind of.

  
Wade wasn't exactly happy about it though.

  
***

  
It has been two weeks since that thing that didn't happen, and Peter found himself missing the stupid merc more and more. The guy was nowhere to be seen. Peter wouldn't call or text him, and he didn't even know why. He missed his stupid jokes and his stupid advances. He was constantly looking at his phone, hoping that the man would text or call, but he never did. He did keep himself busy, fighting crime, looking for those responsible for the bunny invasion, but he had no luck with the later.

  
One hot lazy Sunday afternoon his phone rang, it was an unknown number, and his heart skipped a beat for a second, it could be Wade.

  
"Hello?"

  
"Hi this is tailor Chuck, your suit is ready, you can pick it up at seven." The voice on the other side said, it was muffled and the line was bad so Peter barely heard it.

  
"Oh... Sorry you got the wrong number." Peter mumbled feeling disappointed

  
"Why are you sorry if I have a wrong number?" The voice said now a bit clearer "If someone's got the wrong number they should be the ones apologizing for disturbing you! You're too fuckin polite, that's your problem!" The more the man on the other side spoke, the bigger the smile on Peters face got.

  
"Fuckin live a little! Tell me to go fuck myself!"

  
"Fu.. Go F yourself Wade you crazy mother hugger!" Peter yelled at the phone, full on grinning.

  
The man on the other side chuckled all too familiar  "You mad at me?" He asked

  
"No." Came Peters honest answer  
"Good, so we're good, that's good... I found some lead on the bunnies."  
"Really? I've been busting my butt and came with nothing. What? Where?"  
"I'll text you the address. Meet me there 10 PM" Wade answered  
"Okay.. Hey Wade?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Good to hear you man."  
"You too baby boy."

  
Wade hung up and soon Peter got his text. He typed out a "C u there" and fell on his bed. He felt weird, his heart was thumping and his palms were sweating and he had the stupidest grin plastered on his face.

  
***

  
"What the fuck should I wear?" Wade was pacing around his bedroom, his closet opened, and what few articles of clothes he had, thrown around on the floor and his bed.

  
[Our costume maybe, because we are going on a mission?  
{Nooo! We have to look nice for Spidey!  
"I haven't seen him ever since... That thing that didn't happen. I gotta look sharp!  
[The fuck, it's not a date you moron...  
{We could make it a date!}  
"I totally could!"  
[I give up!]

  
***

  
Peter got to the address ten minutes early, and he was walking in circles. What would he say to Wade when he came. How should he act when the man comes. Should he acknowledge what happened, pretend it never did. Should he shake his hand when he comes, just say hi, kiss the living hell out of him?

  
"Oh my god baby boy you came!" Peter was startled by the voice and he quickly turned around just to be pulled into a tight hug. Peter flailed his hands for a few moments before awkwardly returning the hug and patting the large man on the back.

  
Was that... lace?

  
Peter didn't get to see Wade properly before the man bear hugged him. When they parted, Peter just gaped.

  
Wade was wearing a sheer black lace skintight dress atop his suit. It looked obscene but for a short moment Peter found himself imagining what it would look like if the man wasn't wearing his suit underneath it, and Peter loved the image his brain provided.

  
"Earth to Spidey. You in there sweet cheeks?" Wade was waving his hand in front of his eyes and Peter was back.

  
"Oh, umm, yeah.. Just... good to see you man." Peter huffed and patted Wades shoulder and he could see the man grin underneath his mask.  
"You too Spidey-babe. So, how about we get this show on the road!"  
{He totally loves the dress!!!!}  
[Kid must be crazy as bells.]

  
***

  
They circled the building Wade said had the leads to the bunny invasion and went in through the vents.

  
While they were going Wade explained that he had questioned some people, and he got this address. They said there was some new weird supper villain, but were reluctant to talk about her... well he did find out it was a her, and that she was behind all those bunnies and that she rented out the building they were currently breaking into.

  
Peter was impressed with the amount of info Wade managed to gather, having in mind that he had nothing. Peter was also impressed with how Wades ass looked shifting under that short tight dress while they were crawling the tight space.


	8. Bunny mate of the year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing the super villain Boom-Bunny!  
> Next issue: Boom-Bunnies Origins story!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small chapters what can I do! But I think it's better to have small chapters than none at all :)

After what felt like ages of crawling around Wade finally found the room he said contained the clues. As he proceeded to unscrew the screws that held the ventilation grate in place, Peter proceeded to have a small nervous breakdown. See Peter was having a small, well not so small problem. All the while they were crawling he couldn't stop looking at Wades ass, and sometimes if the man shifted just right he could even get a good view of his crotch.

  
Now, Peter was wearing spandex, really, really thin spandex so he could use his super powers and stick to surfaces, and Peter was stupid enough to not wear a cup, and since Peter was looking at that glorious globes gliding before his eyes, Peter was pretty sure that he had scraped a trail on the floor of the metal tunnel they were crawling from how much his little not so little problem got bigger from the sight before him.

  
Wade opened the grate and jumped down waiting for Peter to follow him, but the kid didn't follow.

  
"Spidey, c'mon, the coast is clear." He whispered

  
"Yeah, umm, just give me a moment. You start looking, I'll be down in a sec." Wade heard Peters strained answer

  
"You ok baby boy?"

  
Peter facepalmed, Wade sounded worried, last thing he needed a worried Wade, because a worried Wade was a touchy feely Wade, and that Peter most certainly didn't need at this moment.

  
"Just... peachy. Go now, start looking around."

  
Wade just stood there for a couple of seconds, and then proceeded to look for clues.

  
Peter could hear him shuffling around and whispering, he probably wouldn't be able to hear him if he didn't have his advanced hearing.

  
"You know what I love? The people who wish each other a good weekend. That's really cool, like usually people wish each other like merry Christmas, or happy new year, or happy birthday, and you only have like ten holidays a year... yeah ok, maybe more, but not a lot more, and that's it, but when you wish each other a nice weekend it's like you have a little holiday to celebrate each week. I think that weekend people should make cake and give each other gifts and go get shitfaced and have hookups. People actually do do that every weekend, well except for the cake and the gifts, but there totally should be cake and gifts! I'm gonna make you a cake Spidey, it's Sunday today so you'll have to wait till the next weekend, but it will be like the best cake you ever had I promise!"

  
Peter finally managed to calm his hormones and he got down and started searching to. "Could you make me a chocolate cake?" He asked flipping through some files

  
"Any cake you want baby boy." Wade answered

  
"Hey I think I found something!" Peter exclaimed, pulling out a bunch of skinny magazines

  
"Yeah? I like your enthusiasm, but no time for a fap now." Wade chuckled

  
"No! Look!" Peter laid the magazines down on the floor and Wade could see that the on every cover there were drawings. There were drawings of knives and guns, and red was smeared all over the naked ladies and little x-es were drawn over their eyes.

  
"Oh! Playbunny! I love this magazine! And it has all the issues since April last year... No! Wait, August is missing! Yeah I didn't like the August bunnymate either, fugly face and a crooked pussy... ugh... couldn't get it up for weeks after that!" Wade exclaimed

  
"Fuck your asshat!" They heard a female voice behind them

  
They both turned around and saw a lady dressed in pale pink glittering spandex wearing bunny ears and stripper heels. Beside her she had four really bulky men dressed in black leather vests and baggy leather pants also sporting pink bunny ears. They all had pink glittery gas masks on.

  
"Hey guys the nineties called, they want their clothes back." Wade said.

  
 Suddenly Peter just fell down.

  
"Spidey! What's wrong?!" Then he felt a familiar smell, it was sleeping gas

"You bitch!"

  
"I wouldn't move if I were you. The gas doesn't seem to affect you, but it surely affects Spiderman. I hate spiders. Move and I'll  have to use bug spray, if you catch my drift." The woman said.

  
"Ok, ok, just relax bunny." Wade spoke just before one of the guys pulled a gun and shot him right between the eyes.


	9. Boom Bunny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet this weeks super villain!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next issue I promise some horizontal mambo if you know what I mean

Wade felt dizzy. He also felt something warm and squirmy all over the front of himself. He opened his eyes and was greeted with a closeup of Spideys face.

  
"Wa...Deadpool you're okay!" He heard the boy gasp in relief, he smiled, Peter was laying on top of him, he must have finally died and miraculously went to heaven. He was lying on his back, rendered completely immobile, with hands full of his own Petey flavored angel pie. Why was he immobile thought? Were angels into bondage? He was pretty sure they weren't.

  
Wade looked around, as much as his position allowed him to, and faced a pair of obnoxiously high see-trough heels topped with pink fluffy feathers.

  
"Good to have you both back with us boys."

  
It was the bunny bitch. She was short,  with long blond bleached out hair. She had a nice toned body and a decent pair of boobs underneath all that pink sparkly spandex, but her face was ruining the picture. She had small beady eyes, a big nose that looked like a beak, and thin lips. If she wasn't wearing so much makeup she would be haunting.

  
She had them tied together, Peter on top of him, and all around them where those bomb-bunnies, just sitting there, waiting to go boom.  
Wade looked up, it was her, August bunnymate.

  
"Oh my god! Not the boner killer lady! Please go away, you're killing my libido! Don't worry Spidey baby I still love you, it's just, I can't get it up while looking at her!"

  
Peter rolled his eyes, leave it to Wade to make an awkward captive situation even awkwarder... Was that even a word?

  
"Shut up stupid!" The bunnymate yelled and kicked him in the head. "And the name is Boom-Bunny... buster!"

  
Wade started laughing  "Boom-Bunny!? Honestly? C'mon blondie, untie us before I call rabbit season!"  
"Where did you get your name, on the box of cereal?" Peter quipped, and they both started laughing  
"I think she watched one Duracell commercial too many!" Wade added  
Boom-Bunny huffed and stomped her heel and walked back from them."You won't be laughing when you hear my big plan bozos!"

  
That made Wade howl with laughter, and Peter followed in queue.

  
"Uuugh! Shut up!" She screamed, her face going red with anger and her bunny ears flapping comically. "Now you shut up and I talk!"

  
"Bossy! I like!" Wade quipped, but Peter shushed him, he wanted to see how much she would spill.

  
"Good thing your friend is smarter!" She said "So, my name is Boom-Bunny, as you already know, and I'm gonna kill all the bunnymates and Ruth Rethner too."

  
"Not Ruth the founder of Playbunny Rethner?" Wade gasped

  
"Yes! Her!" Boom-Bunny retorted

  
"But why?" Was Wades next question

  
"Because the bitches destroyed my life! The other bunnymates made the guys doing montage not Photoshop my pussy, and the August Playbunny issue showed all of the world how crooked my pussy is. I begged Ruth to take the issue back from sale, but she just laughed at me and said it would cost more money to take it out, then it would cost her to repair the magazines cred, which she said was shattered by the looks of my pussy. I had to read all those tweets and statuses and comments, they even made YouTube videos about my crooked pussy, and PhotoShop competitions! I was ruined! And I wanted to be a model! No one would have me after all that."

  
"Not to burst your bubble bunny but with that face, the only thing you could model for is bird food." Wade said, and Peter snickered.

  
Boom-Bunny didn't seem to get the joke so she continued with her rant.

  
"So I'm gonna blow them all up! Friday there's this big Playbunny party and me and my bomb bunnies are gonna blow it away!" She proceeded to laugh like a movie villain, and Wade rolled his eyes.

  
"First of all why the bunnies on the street then? And second question, where the hell did you get the money for this all?" Peter asked

  
" I needed a test run before the big show, and for your second question, well I run a site crookedpyssy.com, it's good money. Now, it was pleasure to meet you boys, but I gotta run! Have fun with my bunnies." She blew them a kiss, tapped one of the bunnies, which made them all start moving, and went away.

  
"The villain explains the entire plan and leaves us to a slow enough death that we can easily get away cliché? Writer lady, if I wasn't grateful for a lap full of Spidey right now you'd have your ass handed to you!"

  
"Who are you talking to?" Peter asked confused  
"No one baby boy. Now stop squirming or I'm gonna cream my pants." Wade answered  
"That's not your gun?"  
"Hell no."

  
***

  
Wade managed to dislocate his own shoulder, and that made their bonds loose enough so they could release themselves. They ran out of the  building seconds before the blast, in slow-mo, with flames roaring behind them and it looked totally awesome.

  
***

  
Peter swung them both to the rooftop of Wades building and they stood there silently.  
"So.. Umm I have some chocolate milk and cookies, if you want to come in? I cleaned the place up too." Wade asked  
"I'm not sure if that's a good idea..." Peter mussed  
"Oh, c'mon! No drama I promise." Wade whined and pouted, and Peter just couldn't say no.  
"Ok, I'll go down first." Wade said, taking his katanas off and handing them to Peter  
"Why are you giving me your swords?" Peter asked, genuinely confused  
Just before disappearing below the ledge of the roof Wade answered  "So you can protect your virginity." and laughed

"Fudge you Wade." Peter murmured and followed the man.

 

 

 ""


	10. Hold the line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. This isn't the best chapter I ever wrote but I was like, lets do this shit, gotta keep the story going. So here you go.  
> Thank you for the all and all people!

"Oh Wade! Oh yeah! Right there!"  
"Shhh! It's ok, I got this baby boy."  
"Faster! Just like that!"  
"Oh fuck! I'm so close!"  
"Don't stop now!"  
"Aaaw yeah!"

  
Wade jumped up and did a little victory dance. He had just won first place in the car racing game they were playing for the last two hours. They were stuck on that level for ages, taking turns in trying to beat it. Peter jumped up too and high fived him, but found himself in a tight hug.

  
"Oh my god! We won Petey! Winner winner chicken dinner!" The man was clinging to him, and Peter returned the hug, and in that moment he was screwed. Wade was still wearing that dress, and now Peter was touching it. It felt soft as he ran his hands absentmindedly up and down, and he heard Wade sigh.

  
Quickly Peter took a step back, looking at his own feet, he had his mask halfway up and what was visible of his face was turning red. "S...sorry is just... Ummm... sorry." Peter struttered.  
Wade was looking at him, not saying a word, his head tilted to the side a little.  
"The... Ummm... The dress is so soft, I ummm, I like... it?" Peter provided, mentally facepalming himself.  
"Yeah?" Wade asked, his voice almost a growl.

  
Peter felt it resonate through his body, he loved his voice.

  
"It's late, I should probably go." Peter said, not really sure if that's what he really wanted.  
"You can stay if you want to." Wade tried.  
"I have to go to work tomorrow." Peter answered reluctantly, why was the man making it so difficult.  
"Oh. Ok, see you Friday then." Wade sounded deflated.   
"You can ring sometimes if you want." Peter said going to the window... where did that come from?  
"Really?" Wade sounded eager  
"Sure." Peter answered and swung away.

  
***

  
"Hey writer lady this the part where I spin around and sing happily, giggling like a school girl and fall to my bed gushing about how Spidey loves me? You promised some action in this one and I find myself in the lack of sweet sweet Spidey butt."

  
Wade was sitting in his chair, his legs sprawled apart. Almost an hour had passed since Peter went home, when his phone started ringing. It was Spidey, was he in trouble?

  
"You ok Spidey?"  
"Hi! Yeah, I just, hi."  
"Ok... Hi?" Wade answered   
"What are you wearing?" Peters voice sounded unsure.

  
Wade grinned and pulled his mask off, he could do this "The dress... Only the dress." It was a lie, but he knew it would make the boy squirm.  
He heard Peter gasp and his smile grew "You hard for me baby boy?"  
"Yes." Came the raspy voice from the other end  
"You touching yourself?" Wade asked, fondling himself through his suit  
"Yes."

  
Ok, so he's gonna have to get this show on the road.

  
"You thinking about me in the dress, you wanna know what I'm doing right now?"

  
Another yes, the kid was like the fuckin Thesaurus .

  
"I'm pulling it up, feels so good against my thighs" he was doing it, and pulling his pants down "It caught on my cock, oh, fuck, it's gonna rip right through it."  
"No, no I wanna see it." Peter moaned.

  
Wade got an idea  "Stay on the line for a sec baby boy." He took a photo of his cock trapped under the lace and sent it to Peter. It was dark enough so the bumps and ridges couldn't be seen, and he thought it looked ok.

  
"Fuck Wade!" Peters breath hitched and was followed by a series of gasps and moans.  
"Did you just...?"  
"Yeah sorry." Peter answered gingerly, the realization went straight to Wades dick  
"Don't be sorry Petey. It's so hot, you came from the sight of my cock! Fuck it makes me so hot." He was jackin himself off fast now willing himself to cum before the boy hung up on him.

  
"I did, it's, oh fuck, it was the hottest thing ever, I just, when I saw it I just couldn't help it."   
"Fuck I want you Peter." Wade breathed through the phone cumming with a grunt.

  
For a couple of minutes they just breathed through the phone, coming down from the high.  
"Is it okay I called?" Peter asked  
"More than ok!" Wade chuckled  
"But I... Should we be doing this?"  
"Hey kid I get you. You've seen how I look, and I understand if you don't want to do nothing physical. So if this is what you feel comfortable with I'm totally down with it. Most action I gotten in years."  
"No! I like how you look, I just, I'm not sure what I'm doing." Peter replied  
"What do you want to do?" Wade asked   
"I don't know." Peter was lost  
"Kay honey buns, why don't you just go to sleep now, and we'll figure it out later."   
"How are you the reasonable one?" It was Peters turn to ask and Wade laughed  
"Don't know Petey pie, someone has to be."  
"Good night Wade."  
"Good night Petey."

  
***

  
Peter couldn't sleep for a long time. He wasn't sure what possessed him to call Wade, but he couldn't help himself. He felt bad, the man was so nice and uncharacteristically reasonable and good to him, and there he was, not even knowing what he wanted from him. He did know he didn't want to hurt the man, but somewhere in his mind he was pretty sure that was what he was doing. Peter realized, somewhere just before dawn that he, with his uncertainty of what he wanted was leading him on, and that Wade was so desperate for any type of connection to care if he was being used.

  
Peter felt bad


	11. Summertime sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALL THE FEELS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy angsty fluff! It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!   
> Just came to me out of the blue.  
> I can't even write fluff.  
> Is it good? You feel the feels?

Peter spends his entire Monday thinking about Wade, about the phone calls. He is so distracted he files the wrong photos on his work, and on his patrol he barely gets out alive because he let some thug surprise and sucker punch him.

  
Tuesday is no better, nor Wednesday. He can't focus, he can't do anything right, so instead of going out on his patrol he decides to stay in and just do nothing.

  
 It's nine o'clock in the evening and he is sitting on his couch, drinking his chocolate milk and feeling all around miserable for skipping his duty, when it hits him. He pulls out his phone and dials.

  
"Petey! Good to hear you! You not on your patrol? Everything ok?" Wade answers

  
Peters heart skips, the man is always so concerned for him  "Yeah, I need to talk to you."  
"Okay... Shoot." The man answers  
"Can I... can we meet, I can be at your place in... half an hour?"  
"Ok Petey, wanna come in, or you want me to meet you up top?"  
"Up top, see you soon."  
With that he pulls his suit on, and goes to meet Wade.

  
***

  
"Hey Petey pie! So good to see you!" Wade exclaims and waves at him.  
"I think I'm in love with you." Peter blurts out, and Wade freezes in his spot. The man is like a stone, quiet and unmoving, and Peter feels so nervous.  
"So?" The boy asks, not knowing what to do next.  
"You don't love me, you are in lust with me." Wade explains as he would to a slow child.  
"No, I love you I'm sure of it." Peter is adamant as he comes closer to the man.  
"Oh, c'mon Petey, you can't love me, you know who I am AND how I look." He replies  
"You look fine." Peter replies and walks all the way to him.  
"No Peter, you don't, and you can't, and I won't let you. I will help you get the bunny bitch Friday, and then I'll go."

  
***

  
They're standing close now. It's hot but the wind is picking up. A rumble of thunder can be heard in the distance, and they can feel the smell of rain in the air, smell of ozone and the coming storm.

  
Peters looking down at his feet, and Wades gaze is lost somewhere above his head and into the distance.

  
The silence between them is deafening.

  
Peter slowly removes his own mask and looks up at Wade, something like a dare and defiance in his eyes. Wade flinches but doesn't look down. He can feel the boys look on his face, and the unspoken dare.

  
Wade never lost a game of chicken.   
Suddenly he rips off the mask himself and stares down at Peter, quirking his eyebrow returning the dare.

  
They just stand there for what feels like forever. The wind is stronger now, Peter can feel it piercing his suit and chilling his flesh, but he is burning on the inside.

  
The thunder hits closer now.

  
Lazily, like in slow motion the boy raises his hand and touches Wades face, and the man closes his eyes, a full body shiver rocking his body from the core.

  
Wade puts his hand over Peters and stares at him, his gaze so raw and broken.

  
Then Peter kisses the corner of his lips and brushes his cheek with his nose, breathing him in. Wade can feel the tickle of his eyelashes on his jaw next, as the boy presses his forehead to his cheek, still cradling his face with his hand.

  
Another thunder roars, so close now, they can feel the low rumble in their bones, and a few heavy drops of rain fall down.

  
Peter shudders, and as on instinct Wade wraps his arms around him, lowering his face and breathing in his hair. It smells fresh and sweet, and the merc feels he could die right there and die happy.

  
"You are beautiful." He whispers in the boys hair, and Peter grips his suit in return.

  
It's full on raining now, lightnings setting  the sky above them on fire. Their suits wet and clinging to their bodies to the point that they don't even know where the one begins and the other ends. But they dare not interrupt this moment they share.

  
"Kiss me." Peter whispers, and his voice breaks off at the end.

  
Something inside Wades chest clenches, and his throat suddenly feels constricted, like he can't swallow or breathe. He squeezes his eyes shut to try and chase the feeling away, and then he feels warm lips on his own.

  
Suddenly he feels like he is drowning, and the only thing keeping him grounded is the kiss, and he gives his all to that kiss.

  
The rain pours down into their mouth, and it's warm and salty and wet and so addictive.

  
"You don't have to go!" Peter breathes into the kiss, and Wade reluctantly pulls away, looking at him.  
"You can't love me." He says, but doesn't, can't let go.  
"I can. I do." Peter answers and searches for his lips again, but Wade turns his head away.  
"I can't..." Wade starts

  
It's a broken sound, and it hurts.

  
"I am so empty. I have so little, I can't..." the man can't talk through the lump in his throat.

  
And it hits Peter, like a ton of bricks, right to his chest. The man is afraid, he's been so hurt for so long, he can't afford to be hurt anymore, it would break him. He wants to fix it, fix him, but he knows he can't, no one can.

  
"I can't fix you, but I will never hurt you." Peter whispers, and it's a promise so big and so important, that he immediately feels scared, can he keep it? Will he? He knows if he doesn't it will destroy them both.  
Wade chuckles, it's a creepy dark sound "Everything hurts."

  
Peter suddenly feels angry, he looks at Wade and kisses him again  "I wish I could find everyone who made you like this, and make them sorry for what they did!"

  
The rain is stopping now, and it's so cold.

  
"I made myself like this." Wade answers and lets go, turning away.

  
It's the truth, however damaged he was when he was a child, his grown up choices are his and only his own, he had cursed himself.

  
"You should go now, I'll help you out Friday and then I'm gone. Never cared for staying at one place too long." The merc says

  
Peter runs to him and grabs his hand  "I am not leaving. I want this, I want you, and you better accept it, because I know you want it too!"  
"You don't know what you are asking for baby boy."

  
Peter smiles to the pet name  "I don't, but I'm sure I want to find out. Now will you invite me to your place so I can get dry, and maybe cuddle the shit out of you?"

  
Wade turns and looks at him, confused, the kid really wants this.

  
 Fuck whatever he has left, he wants this, and wants it bad. He wants to be selfish, he wants to be careless, he wants to believe he deserves this, it could cost him  his everything, but he was always a gambler.

  
"C'mon in then Spiderbabe." He says, going down the fire escape.

  
Peter smiles and follows.

 


	12. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinda bittersweet with smut.  
> I promise a happy ending, at the end of the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, writing is hard. I forget what I wrote, so I reread it and then I forget what I was going to write and write something else entirely :) fuck my brains.
> 
> With that said I wanna point out that this is the first time I write you know buttsex, so I hope I got it right.
> 
> Hope you like how this is coming along.
> 
> Thank you all so much for the kudos and the comments and reading this.

[Whitey]  
{Yellow}

  
Wade took his hand and walked him to the couch, it wasn't new but it wasn't there before. He sat down, taking both his hands and looking up at him. Peter smiled and sat atop him, his knees on both sides of Wades thighs. Wade pulled him into another slow kiss and then nuzzled his neck breathing him in. Peter could feel the merc shaking beneath him, but he said nothing, just let him kiss and nip at his neck.

  
"Is this real?" He heard Wades muffled voice, he sounded so afraid.  
Peter took his face in his hands and nodded, kissing him again, but Wade pulled away looking at him suspiciously  "Promise?"

  
And it was almost too much for Peter, could he do this? Love someone so broken. A small wave of panic shot through him, did he make a mistake, should have he thought this through before diving in blind. He wasn't afraid for himself, he knew that Wade would never hurt him, but what if the man was right, what if this was only lust he was feeling? Still Peter kept kissing Wade, chasing away the thoughts and fears burdening him.

  
He felt the mans hands on his waist and he grabbed his head and shifted in his lap so he was sitting right on his crotch, and he felt his bulge pressing up against his ass. Wade breathed out a silent "Fuck" and slid his hands lower, grabbing Peters but. The merc broke the kiss and looked away, squeezing his eyes shut and removing his hands.

  
Peter couldn't have it. He couldn't have them both doubting it. He needed Wade to do it, to make up his mind for him. He needed this, whatever it was.

  
"Wade please..." Peter whispered and bit into the mans neck, earning him a shudder.  
"Please what baby boy? What do you want me to do?" Wade asked  
"Everything." Peter answered. He felt so selfish, so bad, but he couldn't stop himself. He was high on this feeling, high on how the man beneath needed him.

  
Wade whined, and Peter couldn't help himself anymore. He was pulling his shirt off and grinding down on Wades crotch, making the man moan.

  
"Shit Petey, you gotta stop this, cause I can't... " Wade groaned, but Peter didn't stop, he took the mans hand and put it on his own crotch.

  
The man could feel how hard Peter was and his breath hitched in his throat  "Peter, Petey, shit, I want... Fuck."

  
Peter hungrily kissed Wade, shutting him up, biting at his lips. "Just shut up and fuck me." he thought, and that thought scared him, but he couldn't afford to be scared.

  
"Wade... Everything." He growled into his ear, and before he knew what was happening, he was on his back, the merc looming above him, kissing and licking every inch of his skin that was exposed, pulling the pants of his suit off.

  
"Your suit too!" Peter moaned as he felt Wades hot breath on his cock.  
"Don't want you to loose your boner baby boy." Wade chuckled, and Peter rolled his eyes at him.  
"Trust me I won't. Just, please?"

  
Wade was fucked. He didn't want to take it all off. Having his mask off was  too much for him already, but the way the boy pleaded, he couldn't deny him, he probably wouldn't be able to deny him anything, like ever.

  
"Wade I'm gonna... do it like this for the first time ever. I'd like... It would mean alot to me if you took your clothes off." Peter continued. He needed to see Wade, his body, his muscles, just like that day when he walked in on him.

  
Wade pulled away and sat at Peters feet  "You never?!"

  
Peter was feeling kinda stupid right now, laying naked, hard as fuck, and Wade was fully clothed and looking at him with panic in his eyes. "No, not with a man." He replied  
"And you want me to... With me?!?" Wades voice was higher, sounding incredulous.

  
Peter was getting tired of all this one step forward two steps back thing. If Wade didn't fuck him, and soon, he would have to listen to those thoughts telling him that maybe this is wrong, and that he probably shouldn't do it, and he couldn't have it.

  
"Will you just fucking fuck me for fucks sakes, with your clothes off, right now... please." Peter yelled and Wade flinched, but then grinned and started talking his clothes off "No need to yell at me. Rude! Good for you it's totally one of my turn ons!"

  
 Finally, Wade was Wade again, Peter felt relieved and he smiled "C'mon, everything is one of your turn ons."

  
Wade got up and started stripping "It was kinda uncomfortable making out with me with all this wet spandex between us huh? Bet the writer chick totally forgot we got soaking wet in the last chapter too."

  
Peter just shook his head and laughed, he wasn't gonna even ask. In a few moments Wade was naked, he picked him up bridal style and started walking .

  
"Lets move this show to the bedroom." He whispered. Peter wanted to protest for being carried like that but he was cut short with a searing kiss.

  
***

  
Wade threw Peter on the bed and crawled atop him, kissing up his body. He was so turned on he wasn't sure he could do this before shooting off too soon and embarrassing himself. He couldn't remember when he last was with someone he didn't need to pay, let alone someone so young and beautiful.

  
"Sure you still want this Petey?" He asked when he got to the boys neck.  
Peter was writhing below him, running his hands over his back, arching his back for more contact "Yes Wade, I'm sure." he said, hooking one leg under his knee and pulling him closer so their cocks brushed, making them both gasp.

  
Wade crawled to the side of the bed and searched for something in the box beside it. Soon he provided a half empty bottle of lube "Fuck yeah I was afraid I had none left!" he exclaimed and Peter laughed  "I see you've been busy." and Wade shook his head  "With the phone calls and a non existent refractory period, baby boy you're lucky I even have a cock left to fuck you with, if I didn't use lube I would have probably worn it down to a toothpick."

  
Peter laughed to that, and then looked up to him  "Good you got the real thing then?"

  
Wade kissed him again and chuckled kissing down his body "The best. I'm totally gonna destroy your ass thought sweetums, sorry bout that."  
"Promises, pro... oooh" Peter was interrupted by Wade swallowing his cock.

  
Wade smiled around it and took him in all the way, deepthroating him and swallowing around it until Peter was squirming and moaning his name. Then he pressed one finger against his hole, not pushing in yet, just circling around and teasing.

  
"Oh fuck Wade!" Peter was almost breathless from how good it all felt.  
Wade started stretching him slow, all the while keeping his mouth on his cock, and although Peter could feel the burn it felt good, just on the right side of painful.

  
Soon Wade was pulling away, pulling his fingers out, and putting Peters legs on his shoulders, almost folding him in half to kiss him.

  
Peter was just about to protest because he stopped, but it turned to a moan when he tasted himself on Wades tongue. For a moment he thought it would be gross and almost pulled away from the kiss, but he loved it, it made him want to push Wade on his knees and make him suck him off till he came. Then he felt something big pushing at his hole and he scrunched his eyes up, going rigid.

  
Wade took Peters cock in his hand and started pumping him slow, kissing his neck "You gotta relax for me now Petey." The man grumbled against his skin, and Peter took in a breath and did as he was told.

  
Wade pushed in agonizingly slow. He almost came the moment he breached that tight ring of muscle, fighting the urge to thrust all the way. By the time he was all the way in, they both were shaking, covered in a thin sheen of sweat. The merc looked ad Peter and almost lost it altogether, the boy was looking up at him all big shiny eyes, pupils blown and mouth slightly open, his face flushed and small moans escaping him every time he breathed out.

  
"Fuck me Peter, I... fuck..."

  
Peter smiled and rolled his hips a bit and the man above him moaned and taking the hint started thrusting in and out slowly.

  
After one particularly angled thrust Peter howled and Wade grinned "Gocha!" and started pumping in and out in earnest, hitting the spot right on every single thrust. He wasn't even chasing his own pleasure anymore, he just wanted to see Peter cum screaming his name, and soon he got his wish.

  
"Wade I'm gonna..." And then the boy opened his mouth, no sound coming out, as he shot his cum, it made him clench, and with the sight before him and added pressure Wade soon followed with a low moan.

  
Slowly Wade pulled out and put Peters legs down from his shoulders, pulling the condom off and tying it up. He kissed Peter  "I'll be right back Petey." and the boy just grumbled and laid there boneless.

  
***

  
Wade threw away the condom in the bin in the bathroom and took a washcloth soaking it in water.

  
"Not describing how I rolled the rubber on cause ain't nobody got time fo readin dat, AND not making me collapse on Petey smearing our spunk all over us, you either real classy or a real neat freak writer lady."

  
***

  
After cleaning Peter up and placing the cloth by the bed, Wade laid down on his back beside him.

  
"Wade, that was... Wow!" Peter exclaimed and turned to him.

  
Wade smiled and looked at him  "Could you... Can you stay a little?"

  
Peter just pulled himself closer and hugged him, placing a kiss on the corner of his lips "I'm not gonna go anywhere."

  
Wade turned to him and hugged him kissing the top of his head  "Thank you Petey." he couldn't remember when he last felt so happy.

  
***

  
Peter woke up, it was dark and he was encircled by a pair of strong warm arms. It took him a moment to remember where he was and what happened. Suddenly he felt regret, not because of the sex, the sex was great, the best he ever had, he felt regret because he was laying in the arms of this man who loved him and to whom he had told he loved him, and maybe he was lying.

  
And maybe he was gonna break his heart.

  
And maybe the mans hart can't take it.

  
And Peter wasn't sure anymore.

  
And Peter felt bad.

  
So Peter slowly got up. Found his suit, still a little wet, on the floor of the living room and put it on. He went back to the bedroom and stood at the door watching the man sleep, and then he left.

  
***

  
Wade opened his eyes and stared at the window, watching Spiderman swing away. Somewhere ninjas must be chopping onions because his eyes stung and misted up.

  
[What did you expect, we should be grateful for getting some at all.]  
{But Spidey loves us!}  
[Lust is not love.]  
{Blow our brains out? Cut out our heart?}

  
"Not this time. I need to remember this, and I need to remember it good."


	13. The cat made me do it!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool kinda took over. He has a request, and the boxes want to discuss food safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little something to keep you entertained before the next chapter is finished.  
> Just some stupid stuff  
> Sorrynotsorry :)

"Hi everyone! Now this is the part where you all say  -Hi Deadpool!- c'mon say it, to your computer, or smartphone or tablet or whatever you are reading this shit on. I said fuckin say it bitches!" Wade says, pointing a gun.

  
He smiles and sits back on his chair.

  
"Now I know you are all squealing  -Oh em gee Deadpool just talked to me- but I need you shut up and listen. This thing is bad, the story, it fuckin hurts okay? I just want to be happy, but no one writes me happy, because all that ooc shit y'all whine about. Well I got an assignment for all of you sorry mofos, write me happy! It doesn't have to be good, it doesn't have to be long, just fuckin make it happen! Give me love, or good looks, or hope that doesn't get crushed to dust every time I dare to have some. I'm tired you know? I was hoping when they didn't continue making issues for a while that I would have some rest from all this shit, but guess what? Didn't fuckin happen. So just do me a solid and make me happy, just for a little while, please..."

  
***

  
"Also, whoever is writing the writer chick, grade A job on making her life miserable up. I love it how she screws herself over every single time!"

  
***

  
"Oh and Whitey says to look both ways before crossing the street, and never touch your eyes after chopping peppers. Yellow says you shouldn't touch your private parts after chopping peppers either... Kay... beam me up Scotty, or you know... whatever. Buh-bye."

He waves with his gun and goes out.

 


	14. Donuts...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade and Petey make a plan, do some hot stuff and discuss donuts, you will never look at donuts the same way after reading this, be warned :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I want to thank PrincessSunflower for beta-ing.. is that a word? For doing beta stuff for this chapter! You are the best! Grade A, amazing job, I love you, thank you, you amazingly awesome you!
> 
> Second of all, you people, with the comments and the kudos and the bookmarks and the all and all, you are also so f-in amazing! And all of you who wrote Deadpool happy, I love you and Deadpool loves you, he's gonna express his love in the story though, the notes are mine, but you are pure awesome!
> 
> Also, if any of you find anything about this story offensive, let me know, but also keep in mind it is Deadpool we're talking about here, he's practically king of offensive.
> 
> That's it enjoy!
> 
> Edit: I just realized I that the last week of this story probably lasted about 10 days. I got my timeline all screwy. I tried to quick fix it because I'm too lazy to go over the entire thing, so can we pretend that it's all just fine? :)
> 
> Edit no.2: I won't be posting a new chapter before the end of the month. Real life is a bitch sorry for the upcoming wait. Love you all!

[Whitey]

{Yellow}

"Stupid bitch won't let me use the notes, gonna take 'em and wipe my ugly ass with... oh hi everyone, it's me, your not so friendly neighborhood Deadpool! You did right by me, so I gotta do right by all sweet little yous out there. Many thanks to those who wrote me happy, and to those who will write me happy, and to all of you who didn't write me happy but are totally pro happy Deadpool. I'm doing my hearty shapey eye thing thinkin 'bout you all right now. I am also doing something including a unicorn, a bottle of lotion and a box of tissues thinkin 'bout y'all. Good luck with that mental image. Bye!"

***

Wades phone was ringing. It was Peter. After a minor nervous breakdown, he answered it.

"Hello, Petey pie. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"What are you wearing?"

It was Thursday, early afternoon, and Wade was pretty sure Peter was at work. He could hear the traffic in the background. Was he really asking him this?

{Maybe we fucked him silly.}

[Maybe the poor boy lost his mind after having to look at our train wreck skin during coitus.]

{Who the hell says coitus?}

[Intercourse? Love making?]

{Bumping uglies...}

[Right on spot with that one! Good job!]

{Aww thanks! I'd like to thank my parents, God, and the Academy...}

With the initial shock from the question, and the boxes having their little chit-chat, Wade was only able to provide a stretched out "Whaaaat?"

Peter laughed "Omg! I can't believe I made the merc with the mouth stutter! Just kidding, dude."

"Haha, real funny, sugarplums. Why don't you come over so I can show you what I can do with my infamous mouth?" Wade replied, feeling a little offended.

"That just sounds nasty, like you don't brush your teeth or something." Peter continued to chuckle.

[The kid is right, that does sound like our mouth is level ten biohazard.]

The boxes were really chatty today, and with Peter pulling his leg and leaving like he did two nights before, Wade was really starting to get moody."Not that I don't love hearing your voice, baby boy, but is there a reason you called, or did you just want to fuck with me? And not in a fun way either."

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I just couldn't help myself. I’ve got good news! I’ve been assigned to take photos on that Playbunny party, and you can come! I don't want to talk about all this on the phone, so I was wondering if I could come over later so we can discuss the plan?" Peter asked timidly.

"Sure thing bubble butt! I'll see you later then."

"Later." Peter said and hung up.

***

Wade was now having a not-so-minor nervous breakdown. Peter told him he loved him, but then he left without saying a word, and didn't call for a day and a half, and now he wanted to come over discuss the job... mission... whatever superheroes called their gigs. He didn't know how should he act. Should he be casual, should he play it cool, will they kiss?

***

It was early evening when Spiderman tapped on his window. Wade opened, and the boy came in pulling his mask off and giving him a peck on the lips.

 Wade stood rigid for a moment, but when he saw a confused look on the kid’s face, he smiled and hugged him. "So good to see you, baby boy."

They sat on the couch and both looked unsure of what to do next.

"You hungry, sweetums? Want me to call in takeout?" Wade broke the silence

Peter was grateful for the distraction. He wasn't really sure how to act around Wade, after the sex, and a day and a half of self-doubt about how he really feels. "Yeah. Food. Food sounds good. Pizza?"

"I'm more for burritos, but we can have both." Wade said.

After half an hour of awkward not-so-silence (because Wade couldn't shut his mouth if his life depended on it), their food arrived, and soon they were munching happily.

"So, the plan?" Wade asked around a mouthful of really greasy burrito.

"Yeah! I was thinking, since I'm going to the party to work, and I can bring someone with me, we could go like undercover, with our suits... our super-suits under our regular suits. You could look for bunny bombs and disable them, and we could even bust Boom-Bunny before she makes her move." Peter explained. "And, since I have press-pass, we will be able to get in wherever we need to."

"Nice plan, Petey. But I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it." Wade said, looking down.

By the way Wade reacted, Peter knew that he was feeling insecure about his skin, and was determined to do something about it, so he put his slice of pizza down, and took Wade’s burrito from his hand, to which the merc whined, but allowed it. Peter then proceeded to sit on the man’s lap and kiss him.

"You don't have to worry about it, Wade. You are hot." He said between kisses.

"Am not!" Wade answered, childishly, and pulled away from the kiss, trying to get Peter to get up. But the boy was having none of that. He kissed him again, this time with more passion, and soon had Wade squirming beneath him.

"Wanna show me what you can do with that infamous mouth of yours?" Peter asked, his voice becoming playful.

Wade wanted, oh how he wanted, but was it worth it? Could he do this and not get fucked up when the kid leaves again? He was fighting himself, but then he felt Peter run his fingers over his stiffening cock, and he decided he would deal with it after the amazing coitus that was about to take place.

{Yay! We’re gonna coitus the hell out of Spidey!}

[That’s not how the word is used]

{Oh, go coitus yourself!}

Wade shifted Peter off his lap, laying him on the couch. He began to slowly move down the younger man’s body until he was pulling Peter’s pants off and quickly getting to work, licking up the swollen cock. The boy below him hissed as the man took him in his mouth, looking at him. Wade went all in, doing every trick he knew, and soon Peter was panting, fighting the urge to thrust up into the wet heat enveloping him. Wade picked up on it and pulled away "C'mon! Fuck my mouth, baby boy." he said, At the demand, Peter grabbed Wade’s head and began roughly thrusting into his mouth. Wade moaned at the rough treatment, the vibrations sending shock-waves of pleasure up Peter’s hard length.

"I.. I want to fu... I want to fuck you Wade." Peter panted.

Wade pulled himself off of him and sat back. "Sorry, I can't do that, sweetums."

"What? You are exclusively a pitcher, not a catcher?" Peter sounded a little offended and Wade chuckled. "No Petey pie, believe me I would love to have that cock up my main street, 's just, I just had a big greasy burrito, it's not the best idea to be putting anything up there right now."

Peter blushed and made a face at that. "Oh! I didn't realize that..."

And there was the awkward silence, the worst thing to happen during sex, so Wade did the best thing he could think of, and went back to business.

Soon, the atmosphere was back to steaming hot. Peter was falling apart under Wade’s ministrations and Wade felt like he could come apart just from the sounds the boy was making. Peter soon came with a shout, spilling down Wade’s throat, and the man swallowed it all. Then, the merc stood up and started roughly jacking his cock, determined to get himself off as quickly as possible. He was halted by the feeling of Peter’s hand pushing away his own and taking control. Peter stood and kissed Wade sloppily while giving Wade’s cock quick, firm strokes and soon Wade was cumming hard in Peter’s hand.

Wade plopped himself back down on the couch trying to catch his breath, Peter snuggling up next to him after wiping his hand on a napkin from the take-out.

"I'm sorry I left the other day," the boy whispered to his neck. Wade just pulled him closer and kissed his hair.

"'S okay baby boy."

Wade sat there, completely blissed out, and then it hit him. He was okay with this, whatever it was, because he had his Petey and whatever the boy wanted, he would give it to him.

Peter realized that tonight he didn't want to leave. Tonight he wanted to stay.

***

Peter woke up some time before dawn and the watched the man holding him. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping and Peter felt bad for having to wake him, but he didn't want to leave without waking Wade like last time.

"Wade, wake up." he whispered, and the man jerked up.

 "Stop touching my pussy, bitch!" Wade yelled and then looked at Peter who was snickering.

 "Last time I checked you didn't have a pussy!"

"My cat, I dreamed I had a cat. When did you become such a perv, Petey?" Wade said

"You ruined me." Peter answered, kissing the man, "I have to go. Gotta get ready for work."

"Nooo! Don't go away Petey!" Wade whined, hugging him closer.

"I have to. I'll see you  tonight."

***

Later that day Peter called Wade.

"Hey Wade, did you see the article I e-mailed you?"

"No, wait up, I'll look at it... Oh my god… Boom-Bunny was a man!?" Wade said opening up his inbox.

 "Yeah! Ruth Rethner just published it. I bet she'll be super pissed because of it, and make super sure she blows them all up so we have to..."Peter proceeded to explain, when he heard Wades panicked gasp.

"Oh no! I wanked to a photo of a guy!"

"...Stop her... Wade... You had sex with me and I'm a guy," the boy said.

"But I didn't know it was a guy when I wanked to his-her?.. photo! I feel so violated!" The merc was having a fit.

 Peter facepalmed, "Dude? Really?"

"Yeah, no, just pullin your chain Petey. I’m totally pro that gender bendy stuff, you should know that by now, I mean I did wear a dress just a couple of chapters ago. And, it’s not like I don’t masturbate to, like, everything anyway. Hell, I'd masturbate to a picture of a donut! Imagine that, a nice round donut, with that hole right in the middle of it, all shiny and glazed with frosting, white, shiny frosting, oozing down it's hole just like when I pulled out of your..."

"Shut up! I'm never eating a donut ever again!" Peter screamed pulling the phone away from his ear.

"What? You never get turned on by food?" Wade asked innocently.

"You do?" Peter asked, incredulously.

"All the time, baby boy. All the time." Wade concluded.

Peter rolled his eyes.  "Ok, not what I called for, nor what I needed to hear. What I wanted to say is that tonight we have to be extra careful. She's gonna be crazy for revenge, and we have to do everything we can to stop her."

"Hell, I'll ventilate the bitch as soon as I see her." Wade said nonchalantly.

"No Wade. No ventilation of the bitches." The boy said.

"Aww, you're no fun, Petey!" Wade whined

"Wade, promise me." Peter threatened, and, begrudgingly, Wade agreed.

"See you tonight, Wade." Peter said

"See you, shnookums." The merc answered with a smoochy sound to end the conversation.

 


	15. Rabbit season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking down the bunny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all I'm back! Finally! 
> 
> The idea of the hunks in kilts is from the comment ficlet TwistedCupid wrote on chapter 13. They were just too good to not include in this.
> 
> Betaed by PrincesSunflower who is writing great fics you all should totally check out.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and all, hopefully you will enjoy this one.

{Yellow}  
[Whitey]

  
Friday night Peter was waiting for Wade in front of his building. He was dressed in a casual way, dark blue jeans and pale blue striped shirt. He had his Spidey suit underneath it all. Wade was supposed to be down ten minutes ago, and just when Peter was taking his phone out to call him, the man walked out of the building.

  
"OMG baby boy you look so hot! How 'bout I take you upstairs and we get the Bunny bitch some other day."

  
Peter was speechless. Wade sure cleaned up good. He was dressed in black dress pants, red shirt and black vest and no mask. He looked hot as hell, his clothes accenting his build, and the boy almost took his offer. Almost.

  
"Wade you look amazing!" He blurted out scanning the merc from head to toe, "But we have to go save the Playbunnies."

  
Wade hung his head and pouted, "If you say so, Petey. But I'm gonna kick the Bunny bitch’s ass so hard for denying me sweet, sweet coitus tonight."

  
[Again with the coitus?]  
{Shut up it's a funny word.}

  
"Coitus?" Peter asked, laughing.

  
"Yeah you know beatin cheeks, makin woopie, shaboinkin, diddling, doin the sucky fucky, playin hide the chimichanga, makin sweet sweet luurve." Wade answered with a serious voice.

  
Peter laughed and shook his head, "You're unbelievable! C'mon, let's get a cab. We gotta get there early so I have enough time to take photos of the bunny mates, While I’m doing that, you scope the place out to try and find Boom Bunny, hopefully before she can do too much harm."

  
***

  
The Bunnymate party was grand. It was held on a rooftop of one of the buildings on fifth Avenue. There was a large pool, lounge seats, a bunch of bubble making machines already blowing bubbles, a huge bar, a ginormous garden pool filled with gallons of pink jello, a huge ice bunny statue and too many man sized bunny beach blowup toys. Everything was bathed in pink and dark blue lights.

  
The party haven't started yet, so there were not many people around.

  
"Ok, I'm gonna give you your press pass, with it you should be able to go wherever you want. Snoop around and look for Boom Bunny, and I'll go take some photos," Peter said without looking at Wade. When no reply came, he looked up at him to find the man fidgeting and looking around like someone was going to jump him. If he was this nervous with only the staff and DJ around, he would surely lose it when people really start coming in.

  
Peter couldn't have that so he took his hand, causing the merc to look at him "You okay big guy?"

  
Wade smiled at the pet name, "Yeah! Yeah! Just peachy, Petey pie, roger that, you shoot, I do recon, how 'bout we RV back here in fifteen?"

  
"What did you just say?" Peter asked confused.  
"Rendezvous... Just... be here in 15 minutes," Wade explained and went away.  
"No ventilation!" Peter yelled after him, praying that the merc won't kill anybody, having in mind how nervous he was.

  
After snooping around and taking pictures, Peter returned to their meeting point and Wade was already there grinning like a maniac.  
"I found the bunny bombs!" He exclaimed happily, taking Peters hand and guiding him to some kind of a ramp. "They aren't even armed yet, you just need to swipe  'em up in your webs and I'll take 'em somewhere safe to detonate them. Meanwhile you can take your photos and I'll be back just in time to blast the Bunny bitch."

  
The bunny bombs were all in a huge, furr,y pink box just behind a ginormous Bunnymate of the year poster. It was almost too easy. They both switched into their costumes and Peter swiped the box in his webs and started crawling on the ramp towards the exit, Wade following beneath him.

  
 Just when Spiderman was above the giant jello tub, music started blasting and scores of Bunnies all dressed in pink underwear and covered in pink glitter, rushed to the roof, giggling and squealing all around. Peter froze in his spot, holding the webbed up bunny bombs in one hand and trying to shoot some photos with the other.  
Ruth Rethner came in next, dressed in a dark red velvety gown that opened up all the way to her pelvis so her sideboobs and the same color panties could be seen, she looked like she could be fifty, but she was still really sexy. She was carried in on a litter held by four buff young guys all oiled up and painted with gold, wearing nothing but army boots and a kilt, raised up on their backsides so their bunny tails could be seen.

  
"Holy chimichanga mother of gmilf, bunny boys fapfolder!" Wade exclaimed, that was probably one of the hottest scenes he ever saw in his life. The woman that was carried kept striking highly sexual poses, when the men stopped and laid the litter down, she climbed down threading over their shoulders with her abnormally high stilettos. Then she pulled on of them to her with one hand, and one of the bunnymates with the other and started a hot three-way makeout session. The DJ played Du reichst so gut from Rammstein, and everyone started grinding and writhing together, the mates, the guests, the staff, even Deadpool wasn't spared, he had two hunks and a bunnymate all over him, and couldn't find it in himself to protest. All the friction was getting him warm in all the right places, and when one of the guys started pressing his butt against his crotch, he just zoned out.

  
{Is this heaven, are we dead? Is this our one hundred virgins?}

  
[First of all I don't think anyone here is a virgin, second of all, we only believe in Odin, and that is because we've actually seen the guy, and last, we're on a mission and Spidey is going to be agitated with us fooling around and cheating him right before his eyes]

  
"'S not cheatin, I'm just dancin..." Deadpool muttered, squeezing on the bummymates boobs, and grinding against the pretty ass attached to the hunk before him.

  
"Deadpool! Quit messing around and get on with the plan!" Spiderman yelled, shaking Wade from his lust induced stupor.

  
"It's NOT lust induced writer bitch, I.was.dancing!",Wade yelled but pulled away.

  
"Hold on to your panties bitches, Boom Bunny’s gonna blow your butts to smithereens!" blared from the speakers. The Boom Bunny entered, carried by two of her nineties dudes.

  
"What the fuck with the women being carried around in this fic?!" Wade exclaimed, pulling out his gun and aiming it at Boom Bunny.  
"Deadpool! No ventilation!" Spiderman yelled  
"You two! I thought I got rid of you! Nevermind I'm gonna fix it now!" Boom Bunny exclaimed, pressing the button on the detonator.

  
Wade turned around and shot at Peter.

  
***

  
Everything was covered in pink jello. Everyone was screaming and trying to get away, slipping and sliding around on the sticky dessert. Boom Bunny and her thugs were laying on the floor screaming and holding their knees blasted by Wades bullets. And Wade was standing in the middle of it, laughing his ass off.

  
"What the fudge Deadpool! I said no ventilation and you could have shot ME." Spiderman said looking at him, not amused.

  
"The Deadpool never misses, young one, and shooting knees isn't ventilation, it's pediatrics." Wade answered still giggling.

  
"Orthopedics." Peter replied, still not amused.

  
"Aww c'mon Spidey! Don't be such a sore ass. Just call the cops and the paramedics, so we can go home and I can lick this jello from your body." Wade licked some off his gloves  "Mmm strawberry."

  
"Ok, but I'm not hauling your slippery ass there."

  
After doing as he was told, and webbing the villain and her thugs so they couldn't escape, Peter swung away.

  
{Fuckin’ ace idea to throw the bunny bombs in the jello!}  
[I think Spideys mad at us through.]  
{But we saved the day!} Yellow whined.

  
"Fuck this, I need to go and probly apologize," Wade huffed, and started running, "Just hope he does wait for me at my place."


	16. RU jelly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I'm back. Sorry for the long wait, I just had sooooo much stuff to do, so I couldn't write. Also sorry for the shortest chapter ever, but it's a tie in, and the last two should be up by the end of the week. 
> 
> Also I know they are acting like two grumpy teens but Wade and I need us some justice and Spidey shaming, because why the hell do we all make Petey act like a little bitch and hurt Wadey :(?
> 
> Thank you all for reading, the kudos and the coments :)

[Whitey]

{Yellow}

"What the fudge was that?!" Wade found Peter pacing around his living room, topples and with his mask off still covered in strawberry jello, and still pissed off.

"I'd say that was mission fuckin accomplished, sugarplum, but somehow I think that's not what you're referring to," Wade answered, crossing his arms over his chest.

"First of all, don't sugarplum me, and yeah it's not what I'm 'referring to'! What the heck was that with the bunnymates and the bunnytoy boys, and with the shooting me!?" Peter was fuming, the entire top part of his body red and he was in Deadpools face, flailing his arms in anger.

{Woops... Looks like someone's jelly...}

[Strawberry flavored jelly to be exact.]

Wade snorted, staying as silent as, possible for him. But the sound seamed to make the boy even angrier.

"You think it's funny? You strutting around grabbing other peoples butts, and right in front of my face! And here I am thinking we have a thing! I'm so stupid!" Peter yelled pulling at his own hair.

Wade took off his own mask and went to sit down on his chair. Not even looking at Peter. He rested his elbows on his knees and grabbed his own head. "Okay Peter. Yeah, I totally messed up here. 'S all my fault. Cause I'm totally down with this all love me and leave me thing you got goin on, ya know? And I'm sorry if I had a little fun on the day you were feelin like lovin, but I'm guessing it's gonna turn out to be a leavin day after all."

Peter was incredulous, he had never seen the man so composed, and now he was feeling like he was the crazy one. His anger was somewhat deflated  because of the mercs uncanny behavior. "What are you talking about?"

Wade grinned bitterly, the smile never touching his eyes and shrugged his shoulders  "I don't know Petey. What are we talkin bout? Random team-ups? Fuck buddies? Taco Tuesday get-together-ers? Cause ya know how you weren't sure what you're comfortable with? Well baby boy, I'm not sure what I'm comfortable with either. But I sure ain't comfortable with you bustin my ass.. and not in a good way, after doin grade A on the job. And I ain't comfortable with being exclusive, if you’re gonna play Cinderella and run off whenever you feel like it." With that, Wade leaned back and again crossed his arms. He was feeling bad for saying all this, but he couldn't keep things up like this either.

Peter just stared silently at him, and after a few moments bowed his head, picking at the hardening jello on his tummy.

Wade licked his lips at the sight, but otherwise stayed immobile.

{Yummy tummy!}

[Shut up! We're having a serious moment here!]

{Oh! Right! Sorry.}

"Can I use your shower?" Peter asked with a tiny voice. The dessert was getting itchy and distracting, and he felt like he should be having this conversation not covered with jello.

"Sure, just don't use up all the water. I'm covered in sticky stuff too." Wade replied unfazed.

Peter smiled, "You're supposed to ask if you could join me." he tried to joke.

"Not tonight, baby boy." Wade grumbled, looking away.

Peter felt his his heart sink, even though he was expecting rejection. It's just that Wade never rejected him anything, and he took it all, and all for granted, and now that he realized it, it just felt bad.


	17. Deadnapped... err... kidpooled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Attempt of romance and a small cliffhanger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go (and probably one bonus chapter).
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you like this one.

Peter left after finishing his shower with a "Talk to you later."

  
It was two days ago.

  
Wade had sent him an SMS  saying he's going on a job, a non un-aliving job, and that he would be back in a couple of days.

  
Peter was gonna go out of his mind, waiting for the merc to come back.

  
"When ru coming back?" he texted Wade, Sunday morning. His stomach was tied up in knots. He kept biting his nails, and trying to breathe slowly to calm his heart rate, which quickening was with every minute that passed with no reply. He was holding the phone in his hands staring at it, as if that would make Wade reply faster. When the phone finally beeped four hours later, he flinched and accidentally threw it away.

  
"Oh no!" Peter yelled, jumping to retrieve the phone, praying it didn't brake, because then he wouldn't be able to read the text.

  
When he picked it up, it was turned off. The boys heart raced as he pressed the 'on' button, not daring to look if it would turn on. He sighed a breath of relief when the phone vibrated in his hands, meaning it turned on.

  
"Wednesday."

  
That's all? No "See u l8r baby boy"? No  "Been missin that fine ass of urs"?. Peter hung his head and tried to ignore the disappointment he knew he had no right to feel.

  
Then the phone beeped again.

  
"Wednesday. 9 p.m. My rooftop."

  
Well that was something, he at least wanted to see him. Would they talk? Would Wade tell him to leave him alone? Peter hoped it wasn't the latter. He had to make Wade stay. Too late, he realized how much the man meant to him.

  
The boy started to type an "okay c u then…", but suddenly changed his mind and erased the text. He had to make Wade see how he felt about him, he had to do something meaningful. Then he got an idea, typing as fast as he could.

  
"Can you meet me some place else pls? No masks."  
"When n where?"

  
Peter typed in his own address and apartment number, same time.  
"Kay" was all he got.

  
***

  
Peter took a day off on Wednesday. He had a plan, and he wanted everything to be perfect. He had rearranged his living room, placing the table in the middle of it. He arranged candles in two rows all the way from the door to the table, making a pathway on which he spilled rose petals. He planned to turn all of the lights off leaving the room bathed only in in candle  with a single candle on the table. Full of hope that his romantic gesture would work out, he even spent almost last of his paycheck on some really special lingerie, a red and black lacey thong, he knew Wade would love, if hopefully they got to the part where he would see it.

  
Finally, he got himself to the task of making the dinner Wade had taught him how to make on their first phone conversation, using fresh chicken breast this time, and even made the chocolate milk pudding, topping it with strawberries and cream. It wasn't the best dinner ever, but it was their first meal together.

  
A couple of minutes before 9 o'clock Peter served the meal and lit the candles up. Nine o'clock came and passed, and Wade didn't show up. It was almost ten, the candles were all burned out and Peter was still sitting in the chair in the dark facing the door, with the panties underneath his clothes, tapping his foot nervously and checking his phone every few minutes. Feeling all around miserable.

  
Could it be possible that Wade stood him up? Was he an idiot for believing that the merc would show up, see all that he's done and magically love him for all eternity? Maybe it was too little too late...

  
 Peter grew more anxious by the minute. Finally, when midnight almost came he decided he would call the man.

  
The phone rang twice, and then an unfamiliar voice answered. "Hi, who is this?"

  
Peter had a flashback of his and Wades first phone conversation. But it was all wrong. The voice greeting him wasn't the mercs pleasant baritone, it was a higher pitched whiny kinda voice.

  
"Is Wade there?" Peter asked, and the voice on the other hand chuckled.

  
"Wade can't answer the phone right now, he's a bit tied up at the moment."

  
Was Wade with another man? One of the bunnytoy boys maybe? Peter felt jealousy course through him. "Who the heck are you? Put Wade on right now!"

  
More laughter followed "Baby boy.... You together with this freak?"

  
"What's it to you? And how the F do you know that he calls me..." Peter yelled, but was interrupted.

  
"It says on the caller ID. Oh he's waking up. You still want to talk to him?" The voice asked.

  
Peters heart skipped, he was still his baby boy. "Put him on!" he demanded.

  
"Huuurgh, ha.. hellooo?" It was Wade. His voice was slurred and slow.

  
"Wade! Wade! Where are you?! What's going on?" Peter asked with panic.

  
"P... Baby boy! So nice to hear from you. Sorry I missed our date, but I got jumped by these fuckin amateurs." Peter heard a smack and a cracking sound, and then Wade continued speaking  "Ey ot e ai i e ed" He could hear him spit, and after some more cracking sounds the man continued  "I don't know how I let it happen. I put my guard down just for a moment, and blam! Right at the base of my skull. Shooting a man in his back. Fuckin pussies!"

  
After another cracking sound the whiney voice was back. "Your pal sure talks a lot. But all he says is bullcrap. Maybe you oughta visit and talk some sense to him before we start slicing."

  
"What do you want?" Peter growled into the phone.

  
"Not much, just some persuasion, we only need him to tell us where his Spidey pal is."

  
"Who are you?" Peter demanded.

  
"We are the ones from whom this freak and Spiderman took our crooked pussy goddess, and we want vengeance!"

  
He could hear Wade yell in the background, telling him not to come and then a gunshot rang. After that the man hung up. And moments later Peter received a text with an address.

  
He quickly put his Spidey suit on, and jumped out the window swinging into the night.


	18. Somebody save me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spidey kinda saves the day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait, but with this and the next chapter this fic is done :)
> 
> Now a little warning, this chapter contains some gory bits (a little graphic) and implied rape (not graphic)

Spiderman found the address the guy on the phone told him. It was a shady abandoned building on the outskirts of the town. He silently crept in, trying not to alarm whoever was there of his arrival.

He went through dark corridors, crawling on the ceiling, and he saw no one. The building was a three floor mess, obviously due for demolition. Finally, when he got to the second floor he heard voices, one of which he recognized as the voice he spoke to on the phone. He was angry and worried for Wade, but he knew he had to keep his cool if he wanted to get this over with the least amount of risk possible.

Slowly Spiderman crept towards the voices, his heart beat pounding in his ears, making him almost deaf to the voices. Suddenly he heard a gurgling sound, and then an all too familiar voice.

"I'm telling you guys she was a he!"

It was Wade, his voice sounded muffled, and Peters heartbeat picked up, he wasn't even sure anymore if it was his nerves or his spider-sense that had him thrumming like a wire wound too tight.

He heard a smack and cursing.

"Shut up! Liar! She is perfection." The phone voice yelled, followed by cheering.

"I'm not saying she's not... well I am saying she's not, but not because she was a man, but because she's fugly as fuck!" Wade answered, he sounded like he had water in his mouth... 'Or maybe blood' Spiderman thought in horror and kept creeping closer.

He got to the corner just in time to see a big greasy man in a wifebeater smack Wade across the jaw with... was that a dildo?

Whatever it was, it was big and black and made Wades head snap at an unnatural angle with a sickening crack. Peters blood froze, the man snapped Wades neck.

"He died again!" The man in the wifebeater proclaimed with a huff "How are we going to get anything out of him if we can't even kill him. He. Isn't afraid of death, and the torture seems to just reel him on!"

Now that he was closer, Peter could see the poor state Wade was in. He was stripped down to his underwear, and his whole body was marred with cuts and slashes varying in size and level of healing. He was black and blue all over, wherever his skin could be seen from the fresh and dried up blood he was caked in, some of his nails were pulled out and slowly growing back, and his face was swollen to the point it was almost unrecognizable.

Peter wanted to cry from the sight, and the knowledge that Wade took all that beating to protect him, having in mind that the thugs who took him wanted Spiderman.

There were about thirty men in the room, and they all seemed hell-bent on making Wade suffer. Peter had to stop it, but he had to do it smart and not get caught too.

"Maybe you should put that thing to use, fuck him bad until he speaks." One of the men supplied, pointing to the huge black dildo the main guy was holding. The suggestion was followed by sounds of agreement, and Peter felt sick to his gut, he was gonna destroy these guys.  Just then, there was another crack and Wade was back.

"Where..  Oh yeah, so, you ladies have anything else for me? You know I have an appointment with the manicure..." Wade quipped and then looked down to his bound arms "Boy she's gonna be super pissed when she sees my nails, gonna think my nail-biting habit kicked back in." He said wiggling his fingers as much as his restraints would allow.

Peter couldn't help but smile, typical Deadpool, even when battered half to death, he ran his mouth like a steam engine.

"Sure thing princess, we gonna fuck your pussy till you decide speak." The main thug grinned wickedly, slapping the huge black dildo on his hand menacingly.

Wade froze for a moment, a look of horror on his face, but quickly gathered himself and chuckled "Get it on, I've been itching for some real action."

Peter felt the fear in the mercs voice, he knew that that would break him. He was furious, he wanted to hurt them for hurting Wade.

Fury clouded Spiderman's mind, and without a plan or prepare he crawled to the center of the room and dropped down by the chair Wade was tied to.

His appearance was a shock for the men and he used those few seconds to push a blade in Wades hand, just before he started shooting his webs and throwing punches.

The men all gathered themselves quickly and went to attack Peter all at once shouting.

Wade used the commotion to flick the blade across the bonds on his arm, and made quick work of cutting through the rest of the ropes. He was hurting all over, but there was no time for licking his wounds now, he would rest when the thugs were good and dead.

{Spidey says no killing!}

...When the thugs were good and disposed off in an unlethal manner...

Both Wade and Peter were fighting with all they got. Not thinking about anything else but getting the men incapacitated. They worked good as a team. Deadpool throwing punches and slicing with his blade, avoiding the attacks, and ignoring his wounds, and Spiderman fighting and packing the thugs up in neat web pouches.

Soon it was all over. Spiderman was standing not far from Deadpool, sweaty and panting. Deadpool had his foot on the main thugs face, and the man below him was currently squealing like a pig.

Deadpool bent down and picked up the dildo the man was recently threatening him with, and considered it for a moment.

"Wade you ok?" Peter asked glancing over to him.

"Will be in a moment baby boy..." Wade replied grimly, evil grin plastered on his face. The sound of his voice made Peter twich with unease, but he said nothing more.

"Could you please web this asshole to the floor?" Wade asked, scowling down at the thug, and with a flick of Peters wrist the mans arms and legs were bound to the cold concrete. Peter was worried, but he dared not voice his concerns, assuring himself that if there was a need he would intervene.

Wade crouched down and eyed the thug "You are one very lucky piece of shit for I am a man reformed. Not so long ago for this I would have hung you with your own guts." The thug flinched and whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut.

Deadpool laughed grimly and the sound made Peter flinch too, hr had forgotten how dangerous the merc was if he wanted to be.

"But I can't let you go unpunished for what you did tonight and for your disturbingly poor taste in women." Wade growled into the mans ear, taking the dildo and sliding it in his hand.

"Oh god no!" The thug whined, and Wade snickered

"Good luck for you that even before I became a man reformed I had some principles, or you would be the one taking it up that sweet man-pussy right now." Wade continued slapping the dildo on his hand, as the man below him sighed with relief.

"Yet I am not reformed beyond inflicting some serious non-lethal pain." Wade concluded, and turned to look at Peter "Go home. Call the cops when you get there."

"But.. " Peter tried but was interrupted by a growl  "Do as I say! I will talk to you when I get there."

When Peter didn't move, Wade yelled  "Just go!" And then looked at him his blue eyes pleading, voice going soft "He hurt me bad, and would have hurt me even bader, and he would have killed you. Please."

Peter nodded and scurried away feeling guilt mixed with a sense of sickening righteousness as he heard the blood curling screams echo through the corridors.

 

 

 


	19. Can you love me again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter, comfort, fluff and luuurv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this story, thanks for all the kudos, and the comments.  
> Till next time

It was late afternoon of the next day when Wade came into Peters apartment through his window. He was dressed in the clothes the main thug was wearing, covered in fresh blood.  He found Peter maskless sitting in the room by the table, holding his head in his arms, looking down at a plate of some white, apparently cold pasta.

“I didn’t kill him…”

Peter looked up with wide eyes full of worry.

“I didn’t even maim him.”

Peter stood up and approached him, Wade looked away.

“I did inflict severe pain, the human body has so much flesh, you can fuck someone up like bad, without even hurting them for real, if you know what you’re doing…”

Peter tried to hug him, but Wade stepped away, not wanting to get the blood on Peter.

“He’s gonna need therapy though.” Wade concluded and Peter nodded.

Wade looked over the apartment, taking in the candles, and the rose petals, and all.

“You made this for me baby boy?”

Peter nodded again, looking at his own feet.

“C’mon, we need to get you clean.” Peter whispered, taking Wades hand, and taking him to the bathroom.

The beating that Wade had endured was even more visible in the bright light in the bathroom, the lesions and bruises not yet completely healed. Peter found more and more of them as he helped the merc peal  the clothes off of his battered body.

Wade was silent during the whole process, watching as Peter worked around him, he was tired and hurting, and really looked forward to soaking himself in the bubbly warm water Peter was filling the tub with.

Peter helped him in, and then took his top off, sitting on the edge of the tub, lathering up the washcloth, and starting to slowly rub the grime and blood off of the mans body.

Wade sighed with content, closing his eyes, and leaned back relaxing his sore muscles. After Peter was done with his arms and torso he slipped his pants off and joined Wade in the tub, to what Wade opened his eyes and quirked his hairless brow.

“Better access to wash your legs.” Peter stated in a matter of fact kinda voice, and Wade nodded letting the boy lift his leg to the side of the tub and scrub at it, and do the same with the other leg. If he weren’t so battered and aching he would probably already be hard and aching with the tenderness he was handled with, that, and the almost lap full of naked Spidey.

{We’ve become impotent!} Yellow squealed in horror somewhere in the back of his mind.

“Nah, just too tired to get going.” Wade sighed relaxing into the water, as Peter rubbed the cloth along the inside of his left thigh.

Peter smirked at that, knowing that the words weren’t meant for him to hear, but still glad he got an explanation to why Wade jr. wasn’t saluting him.

“So… The candle lite dinner…” Wade slurred with a sleepy voice.

“I wanted to do something nice for you.” Peter replied, trying to too look busy with washing him to look up.

“Thanks, sorry I couldn’t make it. Got tied up.” Wade rumbled.

“Yeah, I noticed.” Peter looked up at him

“Nice gesture though.” the merc stated with a smile. Peter loved that smile, it was as if he could see the mans soul through his clear blue eyes.

“It… it wasn’t a gesture… I wanted to... show you I care.” Peter fumbled with words, looking at the pale marred skin of the thigh he was rubbing at, feeling the gaze on him. When he looked up, there was an expression on Wades face he couldn’t read, disbelief maybe, he wasn’t sure.

The water was now grimy, and neither of them wasn’t getting any cleaner.

“Up. We need to rinse off.” he said lowering the mans leg back down. Wade obliged and slowly stood up, his body glistening with water, Peter couldn’t help letting his gaze swoop over the expense of scarred skin and hard muscle he was presented with, and suddenly he wasn’t all business like anymore, washing his hurting friend… lover? He felt his cheeks warming up, and an all familiar tug in his gut. The boy swallowed hard, and turned around to pull the plug out and let the water drain, and try to compose himself before his body betrayed him. Wade was there hurting, and he couldn’t get his mind out of the gutter.

He bent down and Wade whistled behind him, Peter turned around confused.“Nice view Petey, if I didn’t know better I would think you’re trying to seduce me.”

“I am, just not right now, because you’re… hurt” Peter answered turning the shower on.

With the corner of his eye he could see Wades cock getting fuller.

“Finnaly, look who decided to join the party…” Wade exclaimed, but then swayed and almost fell down. Peter hurried to catch him, gasping as he felt his own arousal brush against Wades leg.

“Fuck, I got lightheaded, major blood loss and erections don’t go well together.” Wade huffed “I don’t think I’ll be up for action yet.” he concluded, disappointment apparent in his voice.

“’S okay just let me take care of you.” Peter replied as he helped him rinse and get out of the tub, wrapping him in a towel.

The boy helped Wade out of the tub and to the bedroom, where he had ordered him to lay down and relax.

“I’m hungry as fuck.” Wade murmured, and Peter cast his look down “I can order pizza?” “That’ll do.”

***

After devouring the food he was brought Wade laid down scratching at his belly contently, his erection had flagged down in the meanwhile, but now when he had a naked Peter pressed at his side with his arm hung over his chest, it was getting back to life.

Peter glanced down and smiled “You gonna faint again?” he teased.

“Hell no, and if I do, I’m already lying down, can’t go further than the bed.” Wade answered with a smirk.

“Can I?” Peter asked hesitantly, and Wade nodded “Whatever you want baby boy.”

Peter raised himself on his elbow and kissed the merc, who sighed in reply deepening the kiss. The boys hand slid down his body until it was placed just above the mercs strainig cock. He wrapped his hands around the warm flesh and gave it a few tugs, smiling into the kiss as he felt Wades breath hitch. He kissed down the mercs muscular body all the while pumping his cock in a slow and languid pace.

“Fuck… I need to get myself kidnapped and killed more often.” Wade gasped, an felt peter bite his hipbone earning him a yelp “Never again Wade.” Peter stated “You know I can’t promise you thaaaa…aah”

He was interrupted with warm velvety heat engulfing him as Peter got down to business working him with his mouth.

When Wade looked down his brain almost short-circuited, Peter had his mouth on him, holding himself up with his left hand, and his right hand was between his legs, past his cock and balls, pumping in and out, a bottle of lube beside him.

“Resourceful little thing.”  Wade stated through a smirk and Peter hummed around him making his toes curl.

Not moments after, the boy was straddling him coating his cock with lube and lining him up. He took him in in one fluid motion. They both moaned in unison.

“Feels like coming home.” Wade whispered, as Peter leaned in to kiss him.

“I had lace panties on the whole time.” Peter whispered to his ear.

“How the fuck did I miss it?” Wade asked.

“You had your eyes closed when I stripped them down.” Peter replied somewhat disappointed.

“Fuuuuuuck noooo! Put ‘em on!” Wade whined, but then Peter started bouncing faster on his cock making the man below him grunt “Right… now?” Peter panted out teasingly “No! No! I don’t need ‘em, fuck ‘em just… oh fuck… don’t stop!” Wade gasped thrusting his hips up.

“Fuck I’m close!” Wade moaned throwing his head back his eyes rolling up.

Peter leaned in and nipped at his neck “C’mon fill me up big guy! Want to feel you cum inside my hole ”

The filthy words did it for Wade and he thrusted up grasping the boys hips, bruising them, cuming with a grunt. Peter whined freezing on top of him, his cock spurting ropes of white semen all over Wades abs, collapsing on top of the merc just seconds after.

They were sweaty and smeared with cum, and sated. Wade hugged Peter with one arm, and ran his fingers through the boys sweaty brown locks.

“Fuck that was intense.” Peter grumbled from his position currently nested in the bigger mans chest.

“We just got clean, and now we’re all sticky again.” Wade deadpanned, and Peter looked up at him “I don’t give a flying fuck right now.” He said rolling off the merc and scurrying himself up to plant a wet kiss on his chaffed lips.

“OUEMGEE Spiderman said a naughty word!” Wade said in mock astonishment.

Peter chuckled and started to clean them off with his bed sheet shaking his head in amusement, proceeding to throw the sheet down to the floor and wrap himself around Wade.

It was already dark outside, and they both laid there in comfortable silence almost dozing off when sounds of blasts stirred them both up. Peter jumped, and Wade was already alert standing by the window. He slowly pulled the curtain away and peeked outside, and then started chuckling.

“What?” Peter asked thinking the man had finally gone completely insane.

Wade beckoned him to come closer, and pushed the curtain away, and Peter smiled.

“Fireworks.” He stated, looking at the sky painted in a million colors.

“Happy 4th of july baby boy.” Wade said hugging him closer “C’mon get dressed let’s go to the rooftop and watch the sky go boom.” he said bouncing on his feet, but then slumped his shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” Peter asked, rummaging through his closet for something to put on.

“I have no clothed.” Wade stated miserably, Peter chuckled and threw some stuff at him “These should fit you.”

With renewed vigor Wade dressed himself and all but pushed Peter out of the apartment and up the stairs.

***

They watched in awe as the sky burned with red white and blues, holding hands, surrounded by a million stars. Peter sneaked a glance at Wade who watched the sky in wonder with mouth open agape, and eyes sparkling, he looked almost like a child, his face bathed in bright colors blooming above them, and Peter felt his heart ache, but this time he knew what it ached with. He slid himself beneath the taller mans arm and leaned his head on his shoulder, placing his hand on his chest. He felt Wade tug him in closer and he felt like he could almost cry. Right now they were the only two people in this little world of light and color, and he wanted to stay there, embraced in those strong arms forever, no pain no worries just them two. 

“Can you love me again?” Peter whispered, and felt Wade kiss his hair “I never stopped” the man whispered back. Peter felt goose bumps crawl all over his skin like his heart would burst and join the fireworks above them.

***

 They both stood there a long time after the fireworks were over wrapped in each others arms.

“C’mon baby boy, let’s go to town” Wade finally said, and Peter started to protest. He wanted to go back to bed tired to the bone from all the events.

“I’ll buy you chocolate milk, and we can beat up some baddies, maybe make out in some alley after the city protecting is done.” Wade suggested, and Peter smiled. Rest can wait, there is job to get done, and chocolate milk to be drunk, and if Spiderman was to get caught kissing Deadpool on the streets of New York… well that wouldn’t be so bad, not bad at all.

***

"And welived happily ever after, and had lots and lots of steaming hot sex. I got to bottom, off sceen though, because this stupid writer bitch can't bring herself to write me bottoming. Anyway, I'm happy, the boxes are happy, Spidey is happy, and I'm gonna plow that sweet ass now! Bye!" Wade waved at the ceiling, pulled the purple laced panties on and opened the bathroom door grinnig like a maniac to the sight of his baby boy sprawled out on the bed, naked, with a raging hard-on, hands and legs tied to the bedposts.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Non native English speaker sorry for my bad English


End file.
